Underfoot, the leaves crackled and folded. She'd stepped off the path and was headed for the stream she'd found on her last solo adventure. It was good to be alone. Her head had been crowded of late, and time off the beaten path (or paved path, in this case) reminded her of her freedom.
It was hard-fought. She was still fighting. Dani leaned over to pick up a leaf as broad as her palm and sighed.
Some days she felt as though she was normal. Ugh. She hated that word. But it was the right word. Normal as in she could go about her day with only the regular worries, no paranoia, no glancing over her shoulder, no trepidation about answering the phone or scrolling her Facebook feed because, on some level, she knew whatever he did would matter. Him. Her ex. The man who had hurt her to keep her, and who periodically tried to hurt her know because she refused to be kept.
She pressed the leaf to her heart. The papery tip whispered against her lower lip. She had the urge to whisper back. First, she darted her eyes around to ensure she was alone.
"He hurt me," she said. "I was like you once, dried out and dull. My color left me. I couldn't fold without cracking or tearing. I'm still like that. I want to get better. I'd settle for ordinary." Then, "What am I doing? What am I doing?"
Her voice trailed off and she let the leaf drop, tracking it's side-spinning downward progress.
What she was doing was what her friend had recommended, reestablishing her connection with nature through direct engagement. "We are born connected to the earth. We lose that connection when we isolate ourselves indoors using only technology. Walk barefoot. Talk to your mother, the earth."
"Um, okay," Dani had said. Thing was, she was willing to try anything to feel better more often. Some days were good days, but some days were bad. Very bad. Dani on her bed feeling like there was no point in breathing. Dani not eating or drinking anything even though she could feel herself shriveling and dizzy. Dani forgetting to brush her teeth which was maybe the thing she enjoyed most because of the instant sense of satisfaction it gave; a small, contained act with immediate results.
Outside she went. She'd driven to this patch of woods. It was bigger than the strip next to her apartments and it was far less likely she would run into Anthony or a nosy neighbor which was a good thing because here she was talking to leaves and walking barefoot over squishy, fall grasses. An acorn punched into her arch and she hopped awkwardly on one foot, taking hold of the other to see if the skin was broken.
"We have a yoga class on Wednesdays," a woman said.
Dani shrieked, stomped her foot back down on the acorn and shrieked again.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," the woman said. "I didn't mean to startle you. Are you earthing?"
Dani looked at the woman. "Am I what?"
"Earthing. Walking barefoot to commune with the earth. Lots of people do that here."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess I am." Dani laughed softly. "I'm ridiculous, right?"
The woman lifted a bare foot up and smiled.
Dani choked on her laugh. "I'm sorry. It's just-- I just--"
"Hey, don't feel bad!" The woman waved away Dani's embarrassment. "It's a popular practice, but I wouldn't call it mainstream. Anyway, I saw you a second ago and it looked like you were practicing your breathing and tree pose." She bent one leg, placing the foot along the opposite thigh and raised her arms.
"Uh, no. That looks really cool. Actually, I stepped on an acorn and . . . I'm Dani. What's your name?"
"Hi, Dani! I'm Claire."
Dani took the hand that was offered. It was warm. She looked at Claire's face to find she was grinning. "Nice to meet you. So, yoga on Wednesdays?" she asked.
"That's right. At noon." Claire said. Her brown hair was pulled back in ponytail that swished as she talked.
"Sounds like a nice way to spend lunch. Is it okay I've never done yoga before?"
"Definitely!" She jumped up and down, clapping her hands.
"Great." Dani couldn't help laughing at Claire's enthusiasm. "Okay then," she found herself saying. "I'll come this week."
Claire did a cartwheel. Dani blinked, wondering for a second if she was a real person or if this whole exchange was imagined. "Awesome!" She pumped her arm like a cheerleader. "I'll see you then. Happy earthing!"
Dani pulled her mouth shut as she watched Claire walk away. So much for normal. This day had just jumped the shark. She laughed to herself and kicked up some leaves. After another quick glance around, she tried a cartwheel of her own. The world spun, but she landed upright. "Earthing. Right," she said to herself, and grabbed a leaf off the ground. It was red, vibrant and pliable. "Just now I feel like you," she whispered. She held the leaf against her heart. "Ordinary is overrated. I'm going to be amazing." The leaf trembled against her breath as she laughed, looking very much like it was laughing with her.
New to Dani's story? Read the previous installments:
Solitary Chill
Calculated Risk
Total Immersion
Promise of the Unexpected
Dangerous Waters
image via pixabay.com