I had dreams once, normal healthy ones like everyother person
I believed in the beauty of adulthood
I believed in second chances
They were all lies
I thought maybe one day I'll have my own family, dress nicely and be successful
Send money from time to time to my parents and go for holidays in Dubai
They were all lies
The only place my dreams got me was here; 26 and counting, living in a one- room home with an old friend making me an enemy to my family.
You remember that speech I gave when I was jealous and drunk
yeah, it didnt go well
No need to drag you through the whole drama, it isn't worth it
I'll give you highlights
My mother damaged the little amount of self-esteem i had left
She demanded Dave get tested
She cut off my allowance
Said she was tired of picking up after a 26 year old worthless drunk
Like I said, its not worth repeating
My sister isnt talking to me
Dave sends me threatening messages from time to time
And my Dad, well to my Dad I think i stopped existing when I lost my job
I wanted to stay and go through that drama, I did, but I met Esther on my way from standing on my sisters porch all night and now am squatting in her room wallowing in self pity
Story of my life
The problem is there's no moving forward for me until i get help with my drinking
And am too much of a coward to end my life.
So this is me, undergoing my own form of therapy
I'm sitting at a bar, watching "Swalla" play on the tv
Nursing a drink some guy bought for me an hour ago,
Turning and turning the bottle waiting till 8pm so i can go home and get some sleep
"Hey" a voice says
I keep turning my beer botle on the table without looking up
"Yea"
The voice stays silent, staring patiently at me
And i look up into caramel and chocolate eyes
"Hey, my name is John"
"I have an STD" God in heaven!
"Okay"
"I'm a terrible person" what is wrong with me?
"Okay"
"I'll probably ruin your life"
"Okay"
He smiled and then burst out laughing
"Do you need a drinking buddy?"
I nod, everything else forgotten
Watching him closely, confused as to why he was here
Then I began a discusion i haven't had in a while
I pour my spirit, soul and tears to some guy named "John"
" Wow" he says looking ( I don't know the look) "That is some story"
"Yea"
"Hmm" He looks at me, then sits back and takes a sip from his drink "Well, tell it all"
"I just told you"
"No, you told me everything except what happened between you and your family"
I roll my eyes at him "That's not important"
"Oh I beg to differ" He whispers dramatically "that's the best part"
I remain silent
He smiles that warm smile again "Don't leave me hanging"
* * * * * *
"Dave what are you two talking about?" Absolute silence greeted that second statement
Then Dave spoke hesitantly "Rachael is drunk, she's saying things that aren't true. We were just.."
"I'm not drunk" I cut him short, The idiot wanted to lie again
She turned to look at me then, Her eyes wide, unbelief painted on her features
"You and Dave...?"She turns to Dave "you slept with.." She breathes out shakily
"No we didn't, nothing of the sort happened" Dave denies vehemently, the guy deserved an AMVCA ( if thats what its called), he's denying game was unrivaled
I just stood there wishing for another drink hating on the amebo agent whose eyes were following my sisters fingers as she pointed first at Dave then at me
"David!" She looked angry "you slept with my..with this drunk?"
Ouch.
"No baby No, I don't even remember anything, she could have made it up..Anwan please"
"Oh God!" She looked angry and tired and sad "she could be pregnant for...!"
I was hopelessly drunk but I made one last effort to save face and prevent her heart attack
" Sissy, It was a mistake,a terrible mistake, I would never.."
I didn't see it coming but the force of it rocked my brain, clouded my eyes and made me stumble leaving her hand imprint on my face.
* * * * * * * *
John looks scandalised "she slapped you?, wow! your life is so dramatic"
"yea"
"How old is she?"
"36"
"Hm! Okay, what happened next?"
"She left" I close my eyes at the memory "she picked her bag and paid her way home, Dave left in the car and I had to walk"
He was silent for a while
"And to think you people went house hunting" He laughs to himself, he's really not judgemental it's lovely
"This is where your mom comes in, right?"
"Yea" I look him up and down "Why am i telling you this again?"
He laughs, a booming sweet sound "Because am depressed and you're depressed, I have a sob story, you have one too" He stops and looks around "and am your only drinking Buddy"
I laugh a little at that, glancing at the clock which read 8:03, taking a deep breath and...
* * * * * * * * * *
"Come here" are the words that greeted me when i walked in, words coming from a sneering mother , a poker faced father and a crying sister
"What's this nonsense i'm hearing Rachael" my mom asked me, completely ignoring my dishevelled appearance.
My temper Rose. That was my first mistake.