Do you have a quirk? Or perhaps a fetish? Maybe you are into astrology or perhaps do you like to dip your feet in marinara sauce. We all have a little secret that's just a tad too weird to share with everyone else.
Luckily, throughout history there have been several figures whose crazy quirks make us seem like a child who likes to eats its own boogers.
In no particular order, here are 5 historical figures with CRAZY quirks!
Number 5: Tycho Brahe, Jepp and the drunken moose.
Tycho Brahe was a Danish astronomer whose writings helped his pupil, Johannes Kepler, establish the three laws of planetary motion. He made his observations without using telescopes, and amazingly, that way he was able to discern the creation of new stars (or in other words, the passing of a star into a supernova).
Brahe was immensely rich. Like, REALLY rich. He was appointed the official imperial astronomer of the Holy Roman Empire and even had time to found a paper mill just to print his astronomical findings. Records show that he once held 1% of the money in all of Denmark.
That amount of wealth comes with the freedom to spend in whatever one may want, and Brahe made sure to do so. Eventually, Brahe hired Jepp, a dwarf, to serve as his jester. Perhaps that's not so odd, but historical accounts show that Brahe firmly believed that Jepp could foresee the future. Jepp would oftentimes remain by Brahe's side and join in meals, but he would take his' from under the table.
Tycho Brahe also once managed to tame a moose, which would follow its carriage on the side. Since there were little constraints at the time, the astronomer went ahead and made the moose a walking spectacle by giving it copious amounts of beer. At one time, the moose was so drunk, that it fell down a castle's stairs and died.
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Gee, Bullwinkle! You ought to stop hanging out with that crazy Dane!
Number 4: Mozart. The shit composer.
"They will love my shit."
Mozart is arguably the most important composer of all time. His music is known all over the world and it is sure to remain as a landmark in academic music.
But not everyone is aware of Mozart's entire artistic spectrum. Many do not know that the same author of "Ode to Joy" wrote "Lick My Arse" ( a canon for six voices!)
Mozart and his family frequently laid shit jokes on each other. The Austrian composer is known to have written dozens of letters to friends and family. One such letter to his cousin reads:
Well, I wish you good night
But first shit in your bed and make it burst.
Sleep soundly, my love
Into your mouth your arse you'll shove
Furthermore, the aforementioned Lick My Arse's lyrics read:
Leck mich im A g'schwindi, g'schwindi!
(Lick me in the ass, quickly, quickly!)
Are you not convinced? Hear for yourself!
Number 3: Rosseau's spanking fetish
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Jean-Jacques Rosseau was the author behind the Social Contract, perhaps the most important written work about politics. Rosseau established some the basis for starting the French Revolution, overthrowing Louis XVI and creating a wave of revolutionary movements throughout the planet, all against monarchy and imperial systems.
A known prankster, Rosseau was quite the rascal. Once, a friend invited him to the opera. During the play, he refunded the ticket and fled.
“There are moments when a man is seized by a sort of madness and should not be judged by his actions,” he explained.
He also enjoyed stealing sweets, clothing, pissing in people's kettles, and sometimes he blamed other people for his actions.
One might figure that Rosseau must have faced some sort of punishment. During his childhood, Rosseau was spanked by Mademoiselle de Lambercier, his sitter. The man learned to enjoy the spankings and when older, the act was a form of sexual arousal. He was then recorded showing his butt to women in dark alleys, begging them to spank him.
"As Miss Lambercier felt a mother's affection, she sometimes exerted a mother's authority, even to inflicting on us when we deserved it, the punishment of infants. She had often threatened it, and this threat of a treatment entirely new, appeared to me extremely dreadful; but I found the reality much less terrible than the idea, and what is still more unaccountable, this punishment increased my affection for the person who had inflicted it.
All this affection, aided by my natural mildness, was scarcely sufficient to prevent my seeking, by fresh offences, a return of the same chastisement; for a degree of sensuality had mingled with the smart and shame, which left more desire than fear of a repetition,"
he wrote in his work titled Confessions.
Number 2: Nikola Tesla, the germaphobe
Nikola Tesla is sometimes regarded as the man who invented the future. He was responsible for the development of the alternating current electricity system and wireless communications. In popular media, he is often seen as a hermit or a "mad scientist," as he was gifted with photographic memory and mastery of eight languages, including Latin. He was prone to eureka moments and he was able to see the solution to problems with astounding clarity, as he would explain in his autobiography.
Tesla also rarely slept more than two hours per night and sometimes worked for more than three days straight. He was also obsessed with the number 3, as his hotel rooms and the number of objects he used always had to be divisible by the number 3.
Thought to have OCD, Tesla was also a germaphobic, meaning that he had an irrational fear of germs. When sitting down for a meal, he would never proceed without wiping every piece of silverware with its 18 napkins. Tesla used leather gloves and often avoided handshakes.
The reason for his phobia comes from his first experience watching germs on a microscope:
“If you would watch only for a few minutes the horrible creatures, hairy and ugly beyond anything you can conceive, tearing each other up with the juices diffusing throughout the water – you would never again drink a drop of unboiled or unsterilized water.”
Number 1: U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson and his penis.
The President of the United States is one of the most powerful people alive. Today, that position is filled by Donald Trump, celebrated Pussy-Grabber and Builder of Walls, but many do not know that there was another U.S. president who could have been more of a "dick" than ol' Trumpo.
Lyndon B. Johnson was proud of his penis. He was obsessed with it.
Several stories detail how Johnson liked to flail his penis around and had several specifications for it. According to "The Residence: Inside the Private World of the White House" by Kate Brower, when taking office, Johnson demanded that the presidential shower was modified in such a way that there was a constant jet stream of water pointed towards his penis.
The 36th president of the United States reportedly refused to accept staff arguments that outfitting the shower with the demanded features—including one nozzle aimed "directly at the president's penis"—would require a great deal of plumbing work. "If I can move 10,000 troops in a day, you can certainly fix the bathroom any way I want it."
He called his dick "Jumbo," and liked to brag about it in the bathroom. Whenever a person approached the urinals, the President of the United States would ask: "Have you ever seen anything as big as this?" He would also have staff aides take notes while taking a shit.
There is another account of reporters demanding answers from the president, concerning the reason for the U.S. being in Vietnam. Eventually, Johnson got annoyed, pulled out Jumbo and said: "This is why!"
What did you think? Do you share any of these quirks?
Original images:
Tycho
Rocky
Mozart
Rosseau
Tesla
Lyndon