The funny thing was, that all this time, since I'd arrived in 1917, been surrounded at the market by people curious about my strange appearance and 21th century footwear, rescued by g.g.grandmpa Morris, taken home to meet g.g.grandma Esther, met an unexpected visitor to the house who happened to be Keanu Reeves (but who knew nothing about his future career as a Hollywood actor).. in all that time I'd completely forgotten that I was wearing a Time machine on my head.
Well it wasn't really a Time machine - more of an interdimensional portal - and it was crafted to perfectly resemble a bowler hat - and it didn't really have much gravity around it, and barely any weight - so I just forgot I was wearing it. Also it was completely black. So black as to be almost invisible, so I guess nobody really noticed it, or mentioned it - until Reeves leaned across the table and gave it a sharp rap with his knuckles.
A sound like a Tibetan singing bowl with infinite harmonics and resonance burst through my head and echoed and rang on for about a minute.. maybe longer.. I don't know.. I think I was so stunned by the sound of it that I immediately went into a sort of trance.
When I blinked and shuddered my way back to reality I saw that Reeves was laughing at me. I guess I must have had a funny expression. "Wearing a hat at the table? What manners is that? A very fine hat it is though, if I may say.. a very fine hat indeed. Mind if I take a look at it?"
Morris shot him a look. Then looked at me. Then back at Reeves. In one very swift, but graceful movement, Morris stood up and lifted the hat from my head, dusted it with his fingertips and said, 'oh dear oh dear, how rude of me. I am sorry dear Gideon, let me take your hat.. I was so eager to meet you, I plain forgot my manners.. I'll just hang it up in here..' As he was speaking he was already across the room and through a narrow door which I hadn't noticed before, in the wall opposite the stove. A few seconds of clattering about, out of sight and he came out again, straightening his jacket and clearing his throat.
'Right!' he announced. 'Tea!'
Reeves looked a bit put out for a second, but quickly, though not without effort, shook it off and put on a wide smile and clapped his hands. 'Tea!' he agreed. 'And a generous slice of dear Esther's famous fruitcake.'
At that moment Esther walked into the room from the door to the stairwell - having been upstairs preparing my room. She was smiling contentedly when she came into the room, but as soon as she caught sight of Reeves sitting with us at the table, her expression completely changed. She stopped dead in her tracks and even recoiled, almost stumbling backwards, back up the stairs. Reeves turned around in his chair to greet her with his widest grin yet. He stood up with great ceremony and stepped across the room to hold both her hands and kiss both her cheeks as the colour drained from them. She looked like she'd seen a ghost.
'It's wonderful to see you Esther', he said warmly. 'I've missed you, you know. I really have - and not just your fine cooking.'
'Oh Keanu', she said in a faltering voice. 'I thought you were... we thought you were... we didn't think.. we didn't know if you were... if you'd be.. coming back..'
'Oh come now Esther' he said, leading her to the table and sitting her down in his chair. 'Of course I'd be coming back. You know I always do... Sooner or later.' The last bit he said thoughtfully, almost to himself.
'Are you back from the War?' she asked him with a pained expression in her eyes. 'Is it as bad as they say?'
Reeves looked down and didn't speak for a while. 'It's not good Esther.' He said at last. 'It's not good.'
'Well, I'm glad you made it back in one piece.' she said, and it seemed like she really meant it.
'Of course I did', he said, smiling again. 'And I got what I went for. Took a while to find it. To track it down. That's why it took me so long. But I got it. Do you want to see?'
Morris was suddenly alert. 'Reeves!' he said, in the manner of one talking to a small child about to start screaming at a wedding ceremony. 'Not now! Don't start'
'Oh come now Morris. We're all friends here. There's nothing that Esther shouldn't hear about. Nothing she doesn't already know. And Gideon looks like an open minded sort of chap. Where did you say you were from again, Gideon? Did you say?'
'Er.. Brighton.' I said.
'Brighton indeed?' he said. 'A lovely town. Oh many a summer holiday and many a .. I woudn't say, dirty.. but most certainly enjoyable weekend.. I've spent in Brighton. What part?'
'The.. er.. center.'
'Oh yes? North Lanes? I know the North Lanes you know. There's an excellent tavern there.. smugglers tavern.. you know the one? Everyone knows it. What was it's name..?'
'No.. er, not the North Lanes.'
'Oh. Closer to the pier are you? Near the sea?'
'Yes. That's right. Near the pier.'
'Oh very nice. Which one?'
'What? Which one what?'
'Which pier? The Palace Pier? The West Pier?'
'Er.. no. The other one.'
'Really? The other one?' he said, narrowing his eyes. 'Oh, you mean the.. what's it called? The East Pier?'
'Yes, that's right', I said, trying to sound convincing.
'Funny', he said, nodding knowingly. 'I thought there were only two. Well, you live and learn. You live and learn. Nice shoes, by the way. Very nice shoes.'
'Cake!' said Morris in a loud voice. A bit too loud. 'Who wants a slice?'
We sat in silence while Esther cut slices of cake and placed them with trembling hands on each of our plates. Nobody spoke as we ate our portions and drank our tea. It was indeed the most delicious cake I have ever tasted. Even though the atmosphere was rather strained, we all ate every last crumb, except for Esther who didn't even take a bite of hers.