A dating profile for Don Keedick
by The Invisible Man
by The Invisible Man
Are your toes handsome enough for my amazing fingers?
Peter Parker once said 'You don't trust anyone, that's your problem.' But you can trust me.
To only the best men out there,
I'm a special kinda woman, who likes nothing more than star gazing with the right man, and socialising with my good mate, J.K. Rowling, who admires my considerate qualities.
The first thing people usually notice about me is my brave personality, closly followed by my smashing fingers. I can be a jerk when I don't know people well - with body parts like my fingers and my abs, I can afford to be.
I work as a detective, helping old people. This allows me to exercise my skills: selling kippers and intelligence. One day, I was just about to stop work when J.K. Rowling appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done. "Don Keedick, that was a job well done." That's the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, now, J.K. Rowling and me are best friends, and the praise runs like water. A lesser person would get a big head.
My life goals include:
Use a spider web as a parachute
Shoot a follow-up to the perfume advert I star in
Become the best detective I can be
If you're the right man for me, you'll be virtuous and understanding. You won't be afraid to cry and will have a healthy respect for perfection.
My ideal date would involve football in Wales with a chubby man by my side. While we're there, I evaluate your handsome toes, checking that you're up to my understandably high standards.
Men only get one chance with me. For every man who displeases me, there are another 111 waiting in the wings to replace you.
Go web! Fly! Up, up, and away web! Shazaam! Go! Go! Go web go! Tally ho.
If you're worthy, get in touch!
Don Keedick
