First - thank you for sharing. Second - thank you for sharing your vulnerability.

When I first started experimenting with rope - it was all about american style bondage. I was only introduced to shibari a few years later - and it's good that you recognize that only jute is proper for shibari.

Depending on where you live there are many, many, many rope clubs that have sprung up over the years. I belonged to on when I lived in Maryland, USA and there are some down here in Tennessee. Most of the larger US cities have them.

I'm still new here and I don't know that posting links in the comments is appropriate.