Jan 18
Today mum felt sick from the morning again. She took some tablets and slept. Me and Pete found a Games room and played there until lunch. Afterwards, we went to ride the elephants again (they were just around the corner) because Pete liked it. I was not convinced but agreed to come too after all. Today we went on the separate elephants and for the whole hour. I had the same guide and the elephant as last time. I found out later that apparently he insisted that he wanted to take me and swapped with the other guy. Although I hadn't noticed. He's alright. I liked his voice. It sounds happy and fun. He must be about 17. But he doesn't speak English at all. This time was more fun than the last. I lay on the back and attempted to sit on the elephant's butt and the head too. We had to stop a lot of times but it was pretty good.
In the evening there was a party around the hotel's pool side. They showed Thai dancing. They are very different from the Japanese. Japanese traditional dances are all solemn and slow, more like walking rather than dancing. Here, everyone is colourful and they move funny. Afterwards, they just played music and people danced. I was a little bored. Mum loved it and I was happy about that. I remember watching a waiter knock down a stack of about a hundred side plates. He was in shock and just stared at them shatter in a heap. I was very scared for him probably losing a job for this.
Jan 23
We flew back on the 20th and I had to go back to school the next day. I did not make any impression at school. I mean no one took any notice of me. They did notice my tan and the new hair clip, which is what I was counting on, at least. However, I am very inspired myself. I am eager to study and I spend a lot of time on homework. I started a new book. It's called "Consuelo" by George Sand. I like it so much I cannot put it down. This is a story about a Spanish girl in Italy. She has an incredible voice and her face is average but at times she looks stunning. In the beginning her best friend cheats on her. For the first time in her life she is faced with hatred and jealousy, which she never experiences herself. I love the language of the book. I read whenever I find spare time but I still have a lot left.
I also love the new Hanson cassette that I got. Their songs have the quality that the more you listen to them, the more you like them. All other bands are the opposite.
Jan 28
I have been reading Consuelo. It was very interesting in the beginning. Some love dramas. Think I mentioned this before but perhaps I may want a lover. But it has to be totally romantic. Something very exciting and passionate. I think about this every time I read or watch anything about love. I am also admiring that in the book, everyone falls in love with Consuelo. Ah I so wish I had a beautiful voice! I love singing and listening to music but my voice is bad. Yesterday I recorded my singing as a practice. When I heard it I... Was so surprised! You could roll around laughing listening to it! The lines keep breaking down and there is no sense of rhythm. Although at times I can sound ok. Does it mean everyone has been just tolerating my terrible singing? I actually think my voice is better. I just need to figure out now to make it come out. I decided to practice some more.
Yesterday I haven't done anything important all day. In the evening I spun around in front of the mirror in my room. My face looked beautiful and I tied a blue ribbon in different ways. I so wish I could go to different parties, to enchant everyone... Or at least to have some pretty photos of myself so I could look at them and show them to people. But none of this is an option. I don't have anyone who could help me with these ideas. I regret it terribly much that I have neither a sister nor girl friends. I don't have anyone to share my thoughts with. Probably just you, Ellie. Maybe I could add my penpals to the list but they are not close friends.
Based on my discussions I came to a conclusion that it would be good to change my personality a little. To become more cool and indifferent etc...
A list of rules
- Be cool. Do not express your feelings in any way. That includes anger, dissatisfaction, embarrassment etc.
- Do not tell anyone your opinion about people. Do not complain.
- Tell people nice things often
- Even during an argument, express your position in a calm tone, do not raise your voice.
- Always watch your voice and intonation
No idea if this is going to work. I shall try to experiment for a few days.