It is very hard for me to talk about myself, especially since I would look at every angle and try to describe myself, but I can only see it as a loser. It all started from a joke between boys, a stupid bet, and the trap I prepared for Anemone turned into a race for me. That's how I feel now: in love without hope and in the race of my own feelings.
I was in love with Anemona up to my head, and I could not believe it was going to happen to me. Usually, I'm a pretty reserved guy, I'd say cold, and I'm not letting my feelings go. They are not those who think love is the most important thing. Perhaps it is, but for short periods, imprecise, not sufficiently defined in time and space. Now she's gone, she's gone. And she's gone with her memories that generally miss. I think there are a lot more important than love in this world. At least, I think so. I speak to the present, although all these reasons belonged to the time before I knew and loved Anemona.
In fact, I knew her before the things I wanted to tell you happened. It's not fairly said, "I knew it." We knew it, we were spinning in the same world, in the same circles.
All right, this lady! Cornel commented, one of our buddies, one evening when we were at the club, and Anemona had passed our group.
I stared at her. You had what you were looking at. Form ten notes, angelic face, a queen's quest. It seemed floating.
- How do you know? I asked. Have you tasted it?
- I wish I ... It's booked. She's the fiancée of a man I once saw, twice, but who's been going abroad for school. He's a studying boy, no joke! He has big ambitions with him! Cornel explained to me, telling me the name of that son and that father, a man I've heard of, a habit of business circles.
- He's there, she's here ... The guy has enough room to turn around. Men will not be done with her fiancée itinerant! I showed my mistrust.
- Do not worry about the girl. There have been attempts, so I know. Nothing went wrong and it's not good! I look at her and my soul hurts. It's a shame to sleep alone!
- Run away from me, I'm not sucking! I contradicted him. Do not tell me he does not have a secret guy that no one knows! What, you gotta get him out in the world? Is it obligatory to bring him here? Well, he has, he does not, it's not my problem. I do not have time to lose with these stuff, I would show you where to get the big fidelity.
"That's what the fox said, too, that it was the grapes, if he did not get to them," Cornel laughed.
His words made me angry. - We bet?
- We're saying we have not won much.
That's the whole story. I was not sure that I would win the bet nor did I put up a huge stake - the loser would honor the other one for a week - but the idea of the competition was driving my boredom, mobilizing me.
It was not hard for me to approach Anemona. As I told you, we knew. I had enough knowledge among her group. On the other hand, I did not suspect, but at a time I could not help. The relationship between Anemone and her fiancé was scaring all the bad. The guy had made the decision to extend her stay abroad for another two years, and that without consulting her, and she felt betrayed, deceived in anticipation of his decision. - Comes home only once a month. What the hell is that? What do I do, stand like old ladies and knit until he decides to come back? She asked, a few days after the beginning of the "action," when some ties had already been established between me and her.
I had managed to get in quite easily in grace. I had to do it so that I would consider myself more than a mere acquaintance. I had done so tactfully, I did not give the buzz. I had shown myself interested in everything she said, proving common concerns and ideas with her, I was more than warm, compassionate, eager to listen and help. I had entered easily as a friend, and she was beginning to admit it, but now I was afraid of lounging too much in this role and losing the opportunity to be distributed as amorous. It was not like that. I soon realized that Anemone looked at me as an alternative to her relationship with Radu. - I talked to him and I told him he could do what he wanted.
- Actually, I'm still around here, I jumped, not wanting to miss the opportunity.
I had said it in jest, laughing, not to think I was rushing. In case of a possible refusal, I could save the situation by saying that it was just a joke. But Anemona did not think to deny me.
She smiled then, suddenly, stretched and kissed me, not care- ing that there was any world around, and that that world knew her coupled with Radu.
"You're a little here, too," she said, showing her chest and forehead to understand that I had begun to penetrate into her heart and mind.
That gesture shook me. A pleasant and strange sensation at the same time took hold of me. I thought I was smart, playing perfect theater, but I did not realize that, slowly, the trap I was spreading to Anemone was beginning to catch me too.
When we first met - just two of us, not in the company of friends and acquaintances - we waited like a true lover. Somewhere in my brain shakes an alarming idea: "What do I do? Do I get stuck like a teenager? What am I? Sucker? I just did not mock a boy like so many others! She'll be beautiful, she'll be pretty blunt, but she's so much! "I was trying to calm myself, repeating to myself that I was just the protagonist of a game, a bet, but I was just lying to myself.
Fighting with love was only a transition phase. It did not take long. My resistance gave up and I declared myself in love.
We both went to Predeal and spent a wonderful weekend. Anemona had been great. She was both virgin and debauched, she was the young man with an angelic face and serene eyes, and the passionate and perverse god of love. I found, in one woman, the ideal blend of queen, virgin and debauchery.
I saw in her nature the pure morning and the mysterious night. Anemone was the woman I've always dreamed of. Now I knew. It was the first time I loved it with such intensity and, honestly, I did not seem to be such a bad thing.
A crazy period followed. Three months in which I forgot all and everything. True, there were times when I was worried, thinking that I would not be the man who would have only one relationship at infinity, but these were short and more and more rare. Cornel, the friend I made the bet, looked at me mournfully one evening when Anemona was busy, and I was out with my old gang again: - I lost you, Dane! You went away, you poor. It was enough to put a bet and you fell into the abyss. I know I'm guilty, I know I should be crashing my head into the head that I pushed you into the hole, but I thought you were hotter.
- What's your problem, Cornel? I won the bet and, on top of that, I also won a ten-note woman. Why do you have remorse? Are you sorry you are not for me? Do not you know what you say about the fox and the grape acres? Well, I'm telling you that the fox is full of the sweetness of the grapes.
- You took the woman from the man's mouth. Your gesture is incalculable! Are not you, a little, shame on your cheek?
As I told you, my friends did not know that the hazard had helped me, so that the beginning of my "action" overlapped the moment of impasse that Anemone's relationship with Radu, the former fiancée, was going through. I would have reduced my conqueror's mark, but were I really so conquering?
Have I conquered or conquered me? I was on my way to a bet. The trap I thought I was preparing for Anemona had come to me. I was no longer detached, no longer a conquest plan. I was conquered and I was afraid ... - You know, Dan, it's hard to tell you, because you might be upset. He called me and Radu ... one day Anemona told me.
- What else does he want? I asked, starting to black out myself.
- He changed his mind about his departure to America. He does not want to lose two years of his life learning, only to please his pretentious father. He wants to go back to the country and ...
- and?
- He wants to give him a chance. He wants to wipe out the misunderstandings between us and resume the relationship from where we interrupted.
- Why would you do it?
- Why would I do it? She repeated. I love you, Dane! I love you, not him. Remember this, no matter what happens.
- Then what does his phone matter? What does Radu really mean?
- My connection with him has reached a pretty advanced point. If those were not the misunderstandings, we would have been married now.
Maybe then it would be the best time to make a request for her in marriage. I did not. Even though I was so in love with her and so conscious of this love, I did not push so far the thoughts of the future that I would end up with the possibility of marriage. I had spent the moment listening to the new sensations I was discovering, and I was not thinking about what she was supposed to follow. I'm still frightened of the idea of marriage. - But I...
- I know, Dan. You love Me. I love you too. I love you much more than you. In fact, I do not even know if I love him, if I loved him or everything was so, previously established. A sort of "follow your destiny that's written to you."
- Then why are you following him? Why are you inclined to give him a chance?
- Maybe because you do not always do what you want, but rather what you need. What was between us is too good to last forever.
- Who says that?
- That's what my heart tells me. That's what my mind dictates.
Strange. Her mind and heart, in which she once claimed to have entered, now told her that the best option was Radu, his daddy boy. - Radu told me he was back in the country and asked me to get married.
"You sound like you just want to re-connect where you left it, in the event that you were going to wipe your desperation with the sponge. What am I doing? - I'm asking you to give me a chance ... A time. I want to see this time if my life with Radu can mean something. I want you to let me go back if I find I'm wrong.
- Do not you think you ask me too much? Do you really feel like I can wait for you to clear your feelings?
- If you love me...
- If I love you? I love you now. What makes you go? What can Radu offer you to deserve to break what is between us? Money? No money matters, you will see, but love. You love Me? You pretend so. Now you can not stay with me. When will you be able to?
- Maybe an autumn evening will come when I knock on your door ...
It's been a year since then. A year in which I worked hard to look at Anemona. Enemy Anemona. I did not forget her, but I forgave her. We had countless adventures during this period. But I broke down their string, realizing that every woman was looking for her.
Autumn has came. Is that the autumn he was saying? I'm waiting for a rainy evening. An evening when I see her standing on the doorstep and telling her that I'm not playing with love, that's the most important thing in the world, not as I once thought, before she knew her. That I once put a bet I will conquer and burn ...