Sometimes…life throws you off to a point that you ask yourself questions like ..what am I even doing ? Am I even doing this life thing right? Why do I always get this sudden wave of sadness? Why aren’t things working according to my plan? am I the only one the universe sees to give difficult task that break me to tears at night when everyone is asleep and I’m alone with my thoughts …
I’m always wide awake at night thinking about so many things and I have to say even if I’m ashamed of it social media hass played a major role in that part …sometimes I reach mile stones and I’m so happy,smiling from ear to ear and then I open Instagram,Snapchat etc and I see someone who has achieved multiple things higher that what I’m “screaming”up and down for and to top is off this person is even younger than me and then I go back and I start sulking and once again im alone in my thoughts ,and not being satisfied with howfar I’ve come and the worst part you never want to share these feelings like this with people because you will here things like “why are you complaining “ “if the post on Instagram is stressing you just unfollow then” but it’s not that easy because even if you turn of that gadget your mind begins to remind you severally and make you feel like you’re stuck and weigh you down …I remember at the beginning of the year I promised to limit my time on social media and to be honest that promise is under the bus because I find it so hard to let go and I know im not alone
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I know life can be difficult and so many people walk around with smiles on their faces but their hearts are broken and their minds are heavy ,I will also like to add that no matter how you feel whether it’s a bad feeling or a happy feeling it’s not to small,it’s easy to say “don’t let anyone tell you different “but truth is we judge ourselves more than anyone else does ..so from now on I want you to take it easy on yourself ,as you can see I didn’t mention anyone who overcame any trauma or hardship because we need to stop comparing our difficulties ,pain,heart breaks and downfalls with that of others and treat ourselves better because nobody will love you more than you love yourself but I also want you to understand that you can take your time to heal don’t rush or pretend or lie to yourself that you’re okay when you know you’re not ..Take your time and find inner peace within yourself so that when you smile and laugh it’s from a place of love and happiness and not you trying to hide your pain so you’re not be judged …
A little back story ..when I was in secondary school (high school)because I was a boarding student it was my first time away from my parents so I was excited to make new friends…so I talked and laughed and made jokes with a particular student we were pretty close until one afternoon I started receiving cold shoulders from her and I wondered why so I went ahead and wrote to her ..like I said I express myself better by writing so she got my letter and read it out to the whole class without my knowledge and I’ve never ever in my life felt so humiliated..everyone kept mocking me with sentences from the letter I was only 12 but I promised myself not to ever share my feelings if they were bad and I always kept things bottled up ever then ..so I promise you I understand how it feels to be shut up and put down just for being expressive and intentional 😊😊but I want you to know it’s not wrong to be that way
…😂but that doesn’t mean I don’t make friends any more I still have some beautiful friends I’ve made Over the years ..
So all I’m trying to say is take it easy on yourself and take your time to heal if you need to ….and let’s all try including ME ,to stop judging ourselves and live in our truths and appreciate our own wins and correct our losses and cry if we need too and try to not compare yourself because you’re unique regardless of what you see ,hear or feel ❣️❣️