On Sunday, I often try to make it a day of relaxation — not so easy as I seem to be taking my mind with me.
No work, no study, no obsessions about what business I should start now, or what I should or should not be doing with my life as a next step. Nothing. But nothing still is not that easy. Don’t people meditate on that in caves for decades?
I planned a beautiful hike with a girl I met at a Vipassana meditation course, but the evening before she cancelled, which left my Sunday open and unplanned.
I get a little stressed when that happens: ’I should use my time as good as possible’, ‘I should be doing a next big thing, like climbing that famous mountain, can’t be lazy’ or ’I am scared to go on a walk by myself in nature’.
Yes, despite the hours of meditation I have some split going on. One part of me loves the idea walking in nature, wild and uninhibited, seeing the animals, bugs, plants and stones. Enjoying the absolute beauty, ruggedness. It makes me feel that everything I see is undiscovered, I am the first one discovering just that detail, just that combination. Like nature laid it out for me.
The other part of me is scared shitless… What if I fall, what if I do not find my way back. ‘What if a snake bites me’. And a favourite; ‘What if I run into a weird guy.’
These counter arguments, which also happily cover up my laziness, this layer of complacency that is happy sitting down subduing my internal need to explore. It is like denouncing life a little.
Right now I live in a beautiful Monastery in the Himalayans, on a 10 minute walk from the small town where the Dalai Lama lives.
The monastery is surrounded by breathtaking views of mountains. Bedded in a pine forest, which is what grows on this height. If you look lower, there is a river with meltwater from the mountain I had the plan to hike. It is a thin river making its way over, under and trough all types of bounders.
So.. honestly.. I could not come with up any excuses anymore to not venture out in nature.
Packed my bag with water, a banana, scarf, money and my camera. In my phone, I plugged my headphone, and turned on youtube with a guru I currently enjoy.
Walking down to the road from the monastery, I saw a small group of beautifully dressed Indian ladies. I asked/gestured if there was a walk down. Speaking with Indian Ladies I often have this feeling that they think I am slightly crazy. One laughingly gestured me to keep walking further down, in a way that made it seem like I asked a stupid question. After some uneasy climbing down some rocks, I am happy to find a rocky path.
Then beauty started to unfold, a breathtaking view of Mcloudganj with giant birds of prey soaring above it in the upward thermic.
Still listening to the youtube guru, I pull out my camera and try to capture my awe — to no avail. One of these photos that you go home and show, and people quickly turn over or swipe away. You kinda want to turn back and explain them why it was so great.
Mcleodganj, Himalaya — Photo by Suzan Evolves
I walked further down the path to a small temple, and tried to take some more photos from some more angles, again not fully satisfied. Then I saw a monk coming from a path I hadn't noticed before.
It was the road less travelled for sure. The main path continued towards more houses, this one was heading towards the forest and looked incredible. Tall pine trees with a bed of soft brown needles, shaded and still bright. I walked towards the monk, who shielded his face from my curious gaze, and took his path.
It did not take long before I could not really make out any path anymore. But it was ok, I could see the river in the distance below, and it was not too steep that I could not make my way trough it.
I stepped down and discovered that the soft needled bedding was actually very slippery. Clambering down, I started to get frightened. Going up did not seem to be an option anymore, there was only down.
In the distance down by the river, I heard laughing and saw something that looked inhabited.
I was very happy with the youtube guru still going on — which meant I still had cellphone reach.
I kept slithering and sliding down the hill trying to adhere to things that I would vaguely identify as a path. Until of course Siri started to play up, telling me that she was not clear of what I wanted.
There are just some things Siri cannot help with.
Eventually, I reached the river, my goal after all that scary stuff, but I did not feel any satisfaction. Like when you buy something, and the happiness you have from it is short, fleeting and not what you imagined it to be. And you just go on to the next goal. For me that was a little house close by.
I felt like I had to go on and reach the next point. Driven by this minor discomfort.
Not being able to relax and enjoy the moment. What if I do not have enough water, can I drink from this mountain river, how far do I still need to go. What if I go hungry — Samsara.
Then I saw 2 Indian ladies walking from a direction where I came from, dressed in their sari’s, holding an umbrella against the sun. Laughing at myself. Ok, I am not as remote as think that I am — and maybe.. I make life a little harder than necessary.
They walked and rested above the small hut, and I lay down at the beautiful meadow. Have a little uncomfortable rest. Uncomfortable for the mind, not for the body.
After observing a white black butterfly being in love with this thistle bush next to me, I could no longer take it. It was clear she was showing off to make me take a photo.
So I did, such a patient model, hanging out on a flower forever so I could get the angle just right. Reflecting on life, a delicate butterfly choosing the spiky thistle as feeding ground.
I continued clambering down the river. My youtube guru, my iPhone battery and luckily Siri left me, as did the ladies.
The steep mountains and the river were stunning. I would have almost felt alone if it wouldn’t be for the constant reminders that I was not far from humans due to the endless pieces of garbage in the river. My favorites are flip-flops and shoes. I always wonder if the owners miss them.
It is funny, I always think the garbage everywhere is from everyone but me. — Bad other people.
I clambered on, as it seemed there was no path again, and I started to enjoy being alone.
Stopping whenever I wanted, taking photos. Not feeling rushed. I saw the carcass of a dead horse or mule, digesting in nature. I never seen a carcass of such a big animal before from close by.
Mule skull in Himalayan river bedding- Photo Suzan Evolves
I started worrying again about my dwindling water supply, midday heat, and about why I was not seeing the village to the right where it should have been.
I kept walking down the river, trusting that at one point there would be a village popping up.
While I was clambering over the boulders in the rivers, I saw a fit Tibetan older man happily walking on a path next to the river.
Quickly I got myself on the path and kept walking. The path changed into a type of broad low wall where I could walk on.
After a while, I saw a large round water storage, and a small house. This turned into a small village.
I am saved!
I did not see a shop, and the ladies waved me away, so when I saw a leaking water supply, I refilled my water bottle — Despite the fear of scary Indian bacteria. Let's worry about the consequences later…
I was a little hungry, my Tsampa (healthy traditional Tibetian breakfast of roasted barley) porridge meal was a long time ago. I was hoping for some food.
Walking on, this little shed appeared with a smiling old man.
He did not have much food on offer — eggs or instant noodles. I choose eggs — They come in better packaging — something that nature can digest.
I sat down with two other man on the quiet three chair terrace. Overlooking the walking path that was the entry to the village and the forest behind it.
And that was all.
There was no fridge in the shed — the owner did not like the humming.
There was no electricity to recharge my iPhone.
There was no sound other then the sounds made by nature and us.
Our view was a wide variety of great leafy treas.
The only choice was just sit down.
Watch
Listen
Observe
Eat best-eggs-ever
This is what heaven must feel like.
Then I started to see a pattern in nature, with a blue bird. He kept hopping on the same tree. There was only one of him it seemed, and kept coming back.
Then I saw he had made his nest under the roof tiles of a small shed.
If you just sit, observe and look at an animal, it is a bit like getting to know the animals, appreciating his hard work. A bit like becoming your family. Brother-bird.
I can imagine how it would feel if you stay in an area for generations.
I was relaxing. There was nowhere to go now. Nothing to do. Just feeling the village. The people looked relaxed and happy. Greeting eachother when they strolled by. Caring for the couple of dogs and cows walking by.
The village looked tidy.
The man started to explain me things;
Why the girl who walked by covered her face when she passed the shed, while greeting friendly.
The owner of the shed said; ‘She is married to my younger brother, so she needs to show me respect, that is why she covers her face. The wife of my older brother is like my mother, I call her Baba-Ji.
You, are just like my daughter.’
He opened his wallet — and showed me a couple of bills. They all had the face of Ghandi printed. The man explained: ‘ We love him, he is the father of India. He did not want anything. He just wore a cloth. But he took care of us like a father. He is not like the presidents or the government. They are not real leaders. He was. We love him.’
One of the other man came and showed me a fruit that I have seen before but never knew what it was. It looked like a fig. Also from the inside, but a fig has more red juiciness. This looked more dry.
He opened it and showed me. He said; ‘This fruit, do not eat, poison.’ - Good tip… as I am one to pick wild berries, fruits and leafs and try them out.
Sitting there, all enjoying this moment of completeness. Watching the forest, listing to the forest, enjoying the family and friends passing by. Petting the occasional happy dog.
Slowing learning about what it is that makes India work the way it does. Not by a book or google. Not trough youtube. But by sitting, absorbing the vibe, listing, seeing, tasting. Understanding why they like it the way it is. Not imposing my western values.
When I left, the owner of the show did not want me to pay;’ You are my daughter, you cannot pay.’ ‘Please’ I said; ‘Take some money.’
Seeing I was insulting him I stopped giving him money and said: ‘Thank you’, and make a Namaste symbol.
One of the other man said; How much is it. Softly he said; ‘170’, and the other man paid.
This morning I went to my Tibetan healer massage lady, who is massaging out years of stress and blockages. She said: ’Head much better now— quieter.’