So you’ve decided to stop, and are putting your best foot forward. You put in the effort, and formulate a game plan for success. The timeline is set, schedule organized, exercise and diet plan ready, expectations are aligned. Every part of this game plan may be perfect, except for the expectations. When reality does not meet our expectations, is where we often get tripped up. When things don’t go according to plan, and we so closely hold our character accountable for this, it’s a failure since we are the one’s who miscalculated. Maybe it’s not about the perfect game plan though, or how you execute it. Maybe it’s about the plan’s imperfections, and how you handle the subsequent situations. It’s not about backup game plans either, but rather being aware of failure, and more importantly knowing you have a choice to make in those moments.
There are two areas of withdrawal that lead you to relapse; physical and mental. The physical challenges are more difficult and what we plan most for. This is because they are tangible, and have an immediate impact on you. The more experience you have with the process, the less difficult each time around (relatively). Increased experience in handling physical withdrawals is dangerous. Mainly because as your confidence grows, so does your willingness repeat the process. What we don’t account for however is the mental challenge, simply because it’s the longer and less traveled road. It was the mental challenge that lead you to using in the first place, knowingly or not. So how could you possibly expect to succeed now, when those mental challenges are greater and you have grown weaker?
Looking back on my first relapse, there was no recognition of what lied ahead other than get through the physical withdrawals. From there it was taking life head on to see how I would fair. I faired poorly. At the very first sign of adversity or struggle, I realized the personal reward associated with overcoming it was no longer an option. There was no alternative, nothing to support the transition, no one to express my emotions. In that moment and for many to come, I chose to relapse.