Today
continued from here
Some say that the secret is in living just Today. How is life Today? Don’t look at tomorrow. If it isn’t a problem right now, it isn’t a problem. Seriously, I’ve read that in many self help and Law of Attraction type books. And I am completely sold on the Law of Attraction.
In a nutshell it maintains that what you put your attention on is what you attract into your life. For example, Mother Teresa would never participate in an anti war rally. The focus was on war. She would and did however, participate in peace rallies. The focus being on peace.
So rather than focus on the cause of my suicidal depression, I should focus on all the good things in my life. Sounds so easy. And I know from experience that it works. I’m not suicidal every waking moment. I can go for months without even thinking about suicide. I was once diagnosed manic depressive, but they changed their minds when I became violently ill from the medication. They decided it was hormonal instead.
Doctors are amusing. But their misdiagnoses have sent me to the depths of depression, more than once. Like the time I was told I had emphysema and would have to rely on oxygen for the rest of my (soon to be miserable) life. I was equipped with a bedside oxygen generator. Those things are noisy and you have to wear this plastic face mask thing. (Didn’t help with the insomnia much.) Of course, they put me on medications for emphysema. I like medication as much as the next person, but the emphysema meds weren’t all that fun.
After being told that I would die a slow and painful death I was beyond depressed. Then a little voice within me said, “You don’t have emphysema. Get another opinion.” The second doctor found no evidence of lung disease. My depression lifted dramatically at the news. But, who could blame me for considering suicide that time?
Focusing on today is a pretty handy tool. After all, you can’t go back and change yesterday. And while you can plan for tomorrow, you can’t actually be at that meeting until it’s time. You may worry about next months bills, but TODAY right HERE right NOW, those bills don’t exist yet. That pending disaster isn’t here yet. Being in the present moment is a good start to being alive.
Understand that if you are depressed there are days when you just can’t get to the here and now. That addiction to the negative emotion is too powerful sometimes. There is a video that shows how the brain becomes addicted to certain emotions. Any emotions really. As we experience love or fear or anxiety or depression or anger over and over our body begins to crave the chemical created by that emotion. It starts to replace receptacles for other chemicals with receptacles for the chemicals from the emotions that we experience most often.
So… according to this study, If you are afraid all the time, it’s because your body wants you to be. It needs that emotion in order to get the chemicals that it needs. Same for love, joy, anger and yes, depression.
I know this logically, but it’s very difficult to maintain joy when your body is screaming, “Just end it already!” But, I have to tell you, today my body is not screaming that. Today I am feeling pretty good about my future. There are problems to be solved. The stock market is about to crash again. Children are being killed in their own schools. North Korea's insane dictator has nucleor weapons. It's crazy out there! But, I personally feel pretty good TODAY. No depression. TODAY. No concern for how to make it through next month. TODAY
So today is proof that not all days are depressing and that alone gives me hope to continue. I will not kill myself..... TODAY.
Part 3 will be posted in the next week. In the meantime check out my blog and get to know me a little better. I might just be someone worth following. :) I'm interested to know your opinions on the subject. Especially 
@Lahvista
