Hello, hello sweet, lovely people. I hope you are all doing well.
I wanna thank God that Santa weather's gone, and summer is finally here. I'm the kind of person who enjoys winter for the holidays and gifts, not for the cold. I love laying out in the sun and let the warmth of the sun brighten me. I'm totally in love with the blue skies, the blazing sun, the fragrance of flowers in the air, the shady trees, the green grass, etc...but I definitely don't like the mosquitos.
For me, summer is the most beautiful season, because I don't have to restrict myself to thick winter clothes and my skin can be spoiled by daylight. The days are longer, and it makes me feel full of energy till late evening. I live in a mountain area and just to walk around the city, see parks or lakes, is gorgeous.
Shortly, I just wanna say: Hello, summer, I've missed you. Thank you for bringing me back to life... and welcome back!!! Yay
Being out in nature I always become thoughtful and reflect situations. So here I'd like to write a bit about soul wishes and how they are persecuted by the fear of us being alone.
Even though so many times we notice the reality and what we are surrounded with, is not how we've imagined, but still, we choose to keep on going with the evil version. We decide not to give up and forgive irreparable damages that were done to us, to make a relationship stable. Our rejected, love-obsession for the other one is what stops us from true happiness, from being ourselves. We are in a constant search for betterment for the other half, sacrificing everything just so life can go the way we alone planned it. So we remain trapped in an imaginary cage, built by our insecurities and feeding ourselves with illusions of selfless love. For example, remember how I told you about my ex T and how he rushed me through my excruciating pain when my dad died, instead of giving me time to move through it? Rather than let me heal and be there for me offering moral support, he chose to complain about how my tough time makes him feel unwanted. Even though our connection broked at that moment, I made the decision to stay by his side and make another effort to keep our relationship working. I knew he was a jerk who enjoys hurting me, but I wasn't ready to lose another beloved one at that moment. I was totally aware of our unhealthy, desolated, sad love, but I was too scared of loneliness, and I let him play the victim and use me for his selfish needs. Of course, after a while, I ended enraged by his lack of empathy, and I gave up on being his steppingstone, every single fucking time when he was emotionally immature with issues or insecurities.
Instead of giving life to our fears, we should follow more our instincts... let them guide us. Rather than chasing a selfish, conditional love that will never prosper, we should enjoy life until we find someone who's utterly perfect-imperfect like us. A man or woman who openly express their wishes, doubts, or whatever, without restrictions. Nothing is worse than being compelled into a relationship. I mean... aren't we all trying to find what we lack in another person?! I had a few past relationships, all good-looking men, nothing to comment on this chapter, but I'm still single. I'm still being patient waiting for the man who'll fulfill my needs naturally, and enjoying everything else meanwhile. I have faith that the right man who'll love me precisely for who I am, is somewhere out there. I'm not looking for him... It's gonna happen when it's meant to be... And if it's just another adventure, so be it. Life is way too precious to waste it on people who make you feel like you're an invisible observer with no rights to an honest opinion or action in any manner.
Why are we so stubborn and can't accept that we can't change someone's perspective especially if they were pretty clear at the "you get what you get" discussion?! A change always happens within the person's mind, not by constant reminders. Real loneliness is a god damn scary feeling that leads us to do desperate things and to bear an unutterable, emotionally, pain. For most men, the most reasonable and successful relationship is the one where we spend time together, with no emotions involved. Guess what, for me too!!! I kinda get this behavior... I'm the same. Let's do what we are here for, and fuck off. We are free to experiment all types till we find the one with whom we can create heaven.
Don't punish yourself with a man or woman who makes you feel insignificant... walk away gracefully and without resistance. Emotion won't kill you, but a toxic relationship can easily ruin your life.
Stay strong, stay positive. Love, M.