If you want to know about my character in the real world, and see how life hits hard, the entirety of this post (if you see the links) will tell you enough.
While life hasn't nearly been as easy as it was, I'm recovering. Slowly. I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same. In some ways, I'm stronger and have learned about what I'm made of. In other ways, I wish I could just forget it all, like it never happened.
The latter is impossible as the memories, words, and visions feel permanently burned into my mind. I really, really hate that. They feel like a burden, especially because they were thrown on me.
Overview:
There are two main recollections I have of my parents from recent years that torture me when they come to mind.
One is my Dad verbally ripping me apart as he disowned me with a smile. He never apologized or said that he loved me again. Despite this, I helped with home hospice for weeks and forgave him on his deathbed to carry his burden on my shoulders for the rest of my life.
My Mom nearly dying twice from being hit in the face with a tree in a tornado (while driving), and being her primary caretaker during a brutal 4 months in the ICU/hospital.
Questions:
From your experience with potentially traumatic events in your life, will the memories and images ever go away?
If not, will time help them be less painful?
I did nothing wrong. I took the high road. I did what I had to do. Time has passed, yet I'm still immobilized or sad when the thoughts arise. I accept them, but want to put them behind me.
Background:
At this time, I don't want to think about them too much now, so I'll provide 3 links from previous posts that will explain what happened. Please note that these are very heavy, but if haven't seen them before, I think you'd consider it worth your time. It's as raw, emotional, truthful and spiritual as I know how to be in words.
Disowned By My Dad With No Apology Before His Death
Painful Dream Visitations From My Dad
My Mom's Tragic Accident & Visual Proof Of Guardian Angels
If you have any advice from your experience, I'd appreciate it beyond words. I don't need to talk about this stuff anymore, I just want to know if there's hope that these traumatic images and memories will gradually fade away.
Time for me to take a breath, go to the gym to train for baseball, and then hit the curbs to look for household recycling to save and sell.
