October 5, 2018
Today was a bad day. I missed you all day. Tinry ko magyaya ng mga friends over pero hindi naman natuloy. Sinasabi ko nga kay Craig, kailangan ko ng distraction para hindi kita maisip. 😣 I love you still very much and it hurts. Pero ok lang.. Nandito na tayo eh.
October 9, 2018
I miss you everyday. I wish magkasama tayo.. I miss talking to you, kulitan, luto mo, farts mo.. 😒 I miss driving to places with you, doing errands.. Lahat.. Anyway, I love you everyday.
October 11, 2018
You are the love of my life. I'm scared na baka makalimutan ko ung feelings ko sayo. Ayoko mangyari yun. Pero siguro yun nga ung purpose netong breakup. I miss you 😔
October 13, 2018
Napanaginipan kita
Napanaginipan kita na nandito ka sa Pilipinas para sa akin. Sinusundo mo ko para magkasama na tayo. Sabi mo sabihin ko sa Embassy na pupunta ako para magpa Spa 😂. Hindi ko alam ano naisip mo para tingin mo mapull off ko yun pero syempre alam naman natin in real life hindi pwede yun. Kayo nagplano nun ni Mama.. Tapos sabi mo pa 50k nagastos mo all in all sa pagkuha mo sa akin.. Tapos nagising na ako.. I wish it was all true. Sana kasama nga kita dito. Pero hindi.
October 20, 2018
I really miss you. Naalala ko sinabi ko isa ka sa mga friends ko na comfortable ako magsabi ng mga issues sa buhay ko. Alam mo naman kasi hindi ako ganon kaopen na tao and sobrang few people lang yung nakakakita ng ganitong side ko. I'm trying to make new friends naman pero syempre.. hindi naman ganon kadali. Nung sinabi mong wag na tayo magusap.. hindi ko alam paano ireregister sa utak ko. Syempre ang daming what ifs. Sa side na ex-gf brain naiisip ko baka nagguilty sya kapag nakikipagkilala sya sa ibang tao. Though ok lang naman talaga. Wala na ako pake don. Naiisip ko lang kung ganon mo lang ba ako kabilis na-i-let go.. Ok kung ganon.. Pero putangina ako sobrang hung up padin parang tanga. 🙄 Sa side na friend brain naiisip ko mawawalan ako ng taong mapagkkwentuhan ko ng crazy shit ko na masasabi ko ung weird tiny details.. Pero actually hindi ko rin naman masabi sayo lahat kasi syempre ex bf kita pero at least masaya ako magkwento sayo. I miss you in general. Wag mo sana isipin na miss ko ung bf side mo.. Pero since iba na situation mo ngayon, I respect whatever you want to do. Anyway, goodluck sa training mo.. I wish you all the best. Hindi mo kailangan mag reply or anything. Yun lang 🙂
October 21, 2018
drunk message
I'm so fucking mad at you. For making me go through all of these shit. I loved you too much kaya go lang naman ako ng go. Pota. Nakakainis. This time, you won't hear anything from me unless you make a move. Taken too much for granted. Manigas ka.
October 29, 2018
I'm starting to feel really better without you. I guess probably you have your reasons bakit you decided to make this all happen. I'm scared not to miss you, kasi gugustuhin ko padin makasama ka after all of these. Pero ngayon, I still miss you terribly. I hope everything is well.. I still love you pero hindi na siguro ganon tulad ng dati.. Pero alam mo, feeling ko.. Steady lang yung love ko sayo.. Natutulog lang.. May ganon ba? Hahaha anyway, nandito lang ako palagi for you.
October 31, 2018
drunk message, again
You don't get to say it's all my fault. Unang una, hindi tayo parehas ng estado ng buhay, hindi tayo parehas ng responsibilidad, hindi tayo parehas ng pinagdadaanan.. Kasalanan mo lahat. Let that sink in. I'm tired of you. I'm just tired. Ayoko na.
November 1, 2018
I hate being mad at you. I hate being mad in general. Alam mo naman yan. I'm sorry.
November 8, 2018
I'm getting better at things. Hindi na kita masyadong naiisip, though every morning I look at our photos in my cabinet. I miss your smile, your embrace, your kisses and your farts. I miss how we used to have fun and laugh at each other. Pero after that, I go about my day not thinking about you. Before the night ends, ikaw padin laman ng isip ko. Iniisip ko how you are doing. Have you started working in the restaurant? Are you preparing for your boot camp. We really don't talk anymore pero, I still wish na palagi mo ako minemessage kahit manggugulo ka lang or may ibabalitang maganda. I used to drunk message you and I feel bad in doing that kasi I feel na nagguilty ka lang lalo and mas lalo ka nahihirapan. I actually started to enjoy the company of others lalo na mga new girl friends ko. They're fun and crazy as hell, it's so entertaining. Pero syempre, minsan I just wish nakkwento ko sayo mga gantong bagay.
Out of the blue, I wish that we still end up together. I wish na matupad lahat ng mga pinrepare natin sa wedding day natin like our 'Wedding Kiss' tapos ung 'Wedding Setup' at kung ano ano pa. Kahit alam kong suntok sa buwan na yun.
In the other hand, I think tama lang na nangyari to. Because I think I wouldn't have enjoyed new events and happenings in my life if we're still together kahit we're thousand miles apart.
I still love you NLM.
P.S. These entries are my messages towards him that I didn't bother to send because I think it's useless. I just wanted to release my emotions through these texts and also i want to track down if I had made progress
Entries are in Taglish (Tagalog & English) which you can easily Google Tranlsate