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The only thing cooler than posting one of these restaurant reviews for the folks over at Hive account@tasteem is posting one of these restaurant reviews for the folks over at Hive account@tasteem on Friday the 13th for the folks over at Hive account@foodfightfriday and double entering that shiz—two pies with one face! I realize two faces with one pie would’ve made more sense but anything sounds better than two faces.

En route to our current location, Liverpool, England, from Kingston upon Hull, a coast to coast journey across the UK, Pura and I stayed in Brighouse for a night. We were pretty hungry by the time we got checked into our room so Pura got on her phone and found:

Meze Restaurant. Turkish and Greek cuisine in UK. Located at: 5 Bethel Street. Brighouse, England. HD6 1JR

It was only a few hundred yards from our hotel. The menu has a bunch of vegan and vegetarian options, Mediterranean and Middle Eastern food is our favorite and, we were both starving, this place ~~was~~ could’ve been perfect! I wasn’t thinking restaurant review until we sat down inside and I got a good look of the nice, big bar, the art on the walls, and a restaurant that was really clean and modern. At that point, we decided to order a nice spread so I could write a review about it. What I should’ve done was pay closer attention to my surroundings and I would’ve seen the writing on the walls such as the Spanish music... that was playing... at a Turkish restaurant... in the UK—yeah, 🤔 I missed that one.

For the record, l👀k, I’ve never written a negative review on anything, not yelp, TripAdvisor, none of those. I haven’t even used any of my free downvotes yet! I think I’ve only written a negative review one time and that was about a recent paypal transaction—funk paypal!! I’ve never sent back a plate of food, etc. I’d rather not say anything at all. But what do you do once you’ve loaded your phone up with all of these pictures, both of the food and of the restaurant with the intention of writing a restaurant review and, upon tasting everything you ordered, the best thing on the table is the F’ing bread sticks?! The show must go on, yeah?

Nice bar, though, look at this place, bright with nice lighting, wine racks on both sides, what’s missing? Patrons—yeah, I missed that one.

Check out the decor in this joint. Nice pub style tables and chairs, fancy Art Deco, original brick interior walls, look at that wine display, too, can you tell what’s missing in this picture? Diners—yeah, I missed that one.

I almost feel bad, too (almost), because once I started taking pictures, that and the fact Pura and I obviously aren’t from here or maybe it was because she’s stunningly gorgeous but, for whatever reason, the three gentlemen working the front began really going out of their way to appease us. The tempo changed inside the restaurant, you could feel it, the vibe changed from an empty restaurant with a couple of bored employees to what felt like a Food Network episode and Pura and I were executives of the show.

Don’t trip, fellas, your service was great! Like everyone we’ve met in England, you were welcoming and inviting—thank you! Your food, however, not like the people we’ve met in England. Look at all of the potential on this table.

I wanted shrimp and pasta that night but they didn’t offer the combination. I ended up ordering a Pasta Pené with a prawn skewer appetizer and combined the two. All of the pictures you’ve seen so far and the next couple of plates you’re about to see are pictures I took before we actually ate the food—we’re still in #photoshoot mode at this point.

Hive account@puravidaville ordered falafel. It came with a garden salad and a side of houmous because that’s how they spell hummus in the UK. We shared an order of roasted Mediterranean vegetables and, my favorite part, breadsticks. This review could’ve been Ssō0Ooö much different.

You want the bad news or the good new first, which one, “good?” Ok! You got it, good news it is.

Good News:

See the shredded beets in the vegetable bowl? They grated beets and added cinnamon and cardamom to them—surprisingly great! We weren’t expecting that.
Breadsticks. I never order breadsticks, they were complimentary, I’d probably rather not know anything about them but they had the right amount of garlic and they were still hot.
That’s it!

Bad news:

Everything else.

I’d rather not say everything you’re about to read in the next paragraph so I’m thinking maybe it’s best if you just scroll passed it and go to the next one—the one that starts with “we were so quick to leave.”

Rubber shrimp - check. Raw broccoli and falafel so dry it crumbled as a salad topping - check, check. Oh, man, it was horrible. The houmous, hummus (spelling doesn’t matter) was so oily and, around the outer edge of it, the only part that lacked oil, the houmous turned yellow and crumbled away like the falafel. Pasta - al dente, carrots - cold, and the whole thing was pricey too—I can still taste a little bit of buyers remorse.

We were so quick to leave I forgot to take a picture of the outside. I got this one from TripAdvisor:

We held our heads high and walked the walk of shame back to our hotel room. Each of us avoided looking at the Asian restaurant directly across the street, the one we walked passed so we could eat at Meze and regret the taste of defeat with our dinner choice for the evening and Pura’s phone rang—it was Lisa.

Lisa and Craig are friends of ours we met through Qusay, the owner of Bab Tooma, our favorite Syrian restaurant in Bradford, UK. They let us use their address to receive Pura’s documents—they called us because Pura’s passport was delivered earlier that day and Craig made a tomato, lentil soup for dinner, “are you guys hungry?” They asked. Ha! About 10 minutes later, we were crawling in the back seat of their Volkswagen and being driven to their place to save dinner.

Tomato and lentil soup, topped with fresh green onions, served with toasted pita bread and a broccoli, tomato salad.

Our first attempt at dinner ended with disappointment, my favorite part was the bread sticks—that’s pretty bad. Thanks to our new friends in England, however, the evening was saved, dinner was a success, Pura and I made it back to the hotel with a scent of tomato breath and Pura got her passport back. Some people would’ve called the first dinner glass half empty—fair enough. I’ve never really understood the difference between a half empty glass and a half full one—they look the same to me.

This is the end. I’m telling you that because I usually end these contenders with “same place next week, deal?” But this time I felt like switching it up a little bit, that’s where “this is the end” came from—false! This is The End is a Jim Morrison line and it did not originate from this contender.