"The multidimensional, vibrational aspects of tattoos are often qualities that get overlooked by people who only choose to realize tattoos solely from the visual aspect. Beyond what we see, there is also a mystical vibration that swirls around body art." - Lisa Barretta, Conscious Ink: The Hidden Meaning of Tattoos
Some clients, like Anita in my previous post, choose not to reconstruct their breasts after mastectomy surgery. Others, however, like my client Amanda, opt for surgical reconstruction to reclaim the perceived loss of their 'beauty, sexuality and physical integrity'. Amanda's initial consultation with me was to further this process of self reclamation by tattooing over the breast that had been reconstructed post mastectomy. What she didn't expect was the surprising, metaphysical power of her tattoo transformation.
The following account is in Amanda's own words:
In the spring of 2013, at age 42, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My world stopped. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma. I was lucky that all I ended up needed to cure my cancer was a mastectomy. I had caught it early enough, thanks to those strange fates prodding me and listening to my intuition. But, I have always been one to take great care of my body. I have rheumatoid arthritis and it is critically important that I eat right, exercise, weight train, and keep my stress to a minimum. I have treated my body with loving kid gloves for ten years to support being in remission from this disease, and I thank it every day for keeping me in remission. I felt like we had reached a harmonious equilibrium. Now, I was going to ask it to accept being sliced open, in stress and in pain, and I felt like I couldn't explain it to my body how necessary this was. I grieved the loss of my beauty, my sexuality, my physical integrity. Would it ever forgive me?
The reconstruction process took four surgeries, but every one was a positive experience. I was being transformed back into me. After the final surgery, the reconstructed side was great -- symmetrical, balanced, nice shape. It was perfect. Except. There was one location on the armpit side of my reconstruction which had always been sore since day 1. It would ache, with a kind of soreness that felt more like sadness than pain. I would put a heat pack on it and hold myself to calm it. But it was always there.
Through an amazing client, I found Daemon at Urban Primitive. I explained my story and was blessed that he accepted me as a client. We planned a lovely huge tattoo which would celebrate my return to "normal" appearance and give some beauty back to my body that had sacrificed so much for my survival. I was so excited for the end result.
What I didn't realize is the transformative power of the act of being tattooed. Daemon explained this to me, and I was sceptical. I'm a scientist, medically trained, I thought his philosophies were interesting but probably not going to affect me. The first day we created a beautiful vision for the tattoo, and began the tattooing. I won't lie, it hurt. After several hours, I wasn't sure I could keep sustaining the burning feeling. Then we reached the sore spot. As he tattooed over it, I felt immense relief and discharge and it felt good! Like finally being able to touch something that's been out of reach. I would have tattooed a big dark spot right there to keep this feeling. That night, I awoke several times, always to the same vision. The sore spot where I had been tattooed had opened up, and a sinewy black smoke was slipping out. As I breathed, it would pull more of itself out, like a quiet demon leaving. Over and over I had this vision. When I awoke, the soreness was gone. And it has not returned.
I love my tattoo. As I expected to. But it is now not the end point in itself; it is the reminder of the healing gift I got being tattooed. It marks the delineation between having cancer happen to me, and having had cancer. The disease is gone and the pain is gone and I finally got to lay that burden down. There is no denying the profound effects of tattoos.
I am forever grateful to Daemon and his lovely wife Raven for the personal care and compassion they have shown me, and for giving me this gift.
"The end result is a tattoo that helps you feel more whole, more real, more authentic, and more you." - Lisa Barretta
All photos by Laurie Cadman of Laurie Cadman Creative, https://lauriecadman.com