After doling out benefits left, right and centre for #TeamAustralia team members, it is time to see how those benefits are helping some everyday Australians.

This week I would like to introduce to you ----------> Shazza Dingleberry

Shazza’s Early Life

Growing up in Caboolture, just north of the metropolis of Brisbane, Shazza was a star pupil at the local Caboolture State Primary School. Overcoming her tough upbringing, she excelled at everything academic and even was anointed Dux at school.

That all changed as soon as she hit the dusty streets of Caboolture State High School. On the second day of Year 7 she succumbed to peer-pressure and had her first taste of that sweet, sweet smelling smoke, otherwise known as the ‘Winnie Blue’! That was the start of her addiction. She also found a new friend, Cheryl, and before you knew it, they had their eyes on two local spunks who hung out at the local skate park drinking ‘Goon’. Those first few years of high school were bliss for Shazza, smoking an Australian delicacy and drinking from that nights pillow.

Shazza’s First Job

Shazza first fell pregnant at an end of year 10 party to Billy Johns. He was a blonde haired, sweet smelling boy who buggered off to another part of the country once he found out about Shazza’s predicament. After deciding to become a stay at home mum and retire from school early, Shazza spent the summer mapping out her life.

It was here that Shazza found a job, working for Centerlink! (having a kid helped immensely with this employment opportunity). It was Shazza’s job to walk to Centerlink every fortnight and hand in a form at the counter, therefore doing her part for the country.

Shazza’s Humble Abode

Fast forward fifteen years and Shazza moved out of her parents home into a beautiful three-bedroom housing commission home, that had a number of worldly comforts:

1. a small pool out the backyard for those hot summer days (a hole dug by the three mongrel dogs that the kids filled with hose, and sometimes urine) – no that’s not a stick floating in the water either!
2. air-conditioning throughout the house (through the broken windows when a stiff breeze blows through the neighbourhood) – makes it easy to scream down the road at the kids and the wanker next door
3. a state of the art kitchen which included:
   a. a deep fryer for the hot chips and chiko rolls
   b. a trusty pot for the boiling of saveloys
   c. a microwave for 2 minute noodles
   d. A cupboard for the ‘dead horse’ (sauce) for the chips and chiko rolls

Shazza’s Family

A lot changed for Shazza since that fateful day back in Year 10. Shazza now has 6 kids, 3 boys and 3 girls. The three boys, Billy Jnr, Bobby and little Barry, all have a different fathers and are the oldest siblings of the tribe. Cheryl, Elaine and Winnie (named after Shazza’s favourite delicacy) are all from the same father, Garry, also a loving recipient of Centerlink’s support, but more on that later.

A typical day in the Dingleberry household starts like any other, Shazza gets out early at 11am, screams at the little shits to shut up as Mummy has a hangover (thanks to the Goon), takes a seat at the breakfast bar and reaches for a trusted ‘Winnie Blue’. Its been tough for Shazza over the past decade or so.

Shazza’s Job Seeking Efforts

After trying for years to find a job, Shazza has never been able to nail that elusive position. Every fortnight, she calls Microsoft or Google or BHP or another Fortune 100 company, to apply for the position of CEO. Every week she is told that there are no positions available at this time, so she puts it on her form.

So as not to make the government suspicious, Shazzza doesn’t always call these big companies. Last week she called Hive account@ausbitbank applying for a position as a STEEM Witness. His first question of, ‘Do you own a computer?’ was the breaking point for Shazza. ‘What the f@#k would I need a computer for?’ A little bemused, Hive account@austbitbank again asked her, ‘Do you have a computer?’. Shazza’s response was ‘You’re a flog’ then she hung up the phone and put it on her form. Another job that Shazza was obviously ‘over-qualified’ for.

Hive account@ausbitbank hard at work

Shazza Hits the Big Time

But today is a special day for Shazza, for it is the day that she must head down to the local Centerlink office to apply for another benefit, carers benefit. Last week Garry had a nasty accident at home and can no longer look for work. After years of bending over, carefully tending to his indoor grow room, his back gave way and he now needs a carer. After bribing a local doctor with some of the ‘good stuff’, Garry is now ‘unfit for work’ and doesn’t have to fill out that damn form anymore!

Source

This is Shazza’s ticket out. No longer will she need to call that computer guy Hive account@ausbitbank for a job, no longer will she have to get out of her dressing gown and slippers to go down and lodge a form.

After changing out of her dressing gown and slippers, into her day wear, pluggers and a ‘flanny’, she puts her packet of Winnie Blues under her shirt sleeve on her shoulder and heads off on the adventure that is a visit to the Centerlink office.

After 15 years and 6 kids, Shazza will no longer need to work, she has everything she needs now thanks to Centerlink.

Shazza is living the dream.
Shazza is a bonafide @Centerlink success story.
You too could be an @Centerlink success story.

Stay tuned for more @Centerlink success stories.

@Centerlink, making Australia great again!

This story and its contents are entirely (mostly/occasionally) fictional. Please direct all complaints to the following number: 132 850 where after a short two hour wait on hold, you can make a complaint to someone who doesn’t give a shit.

All Images Sourced from Google Images