I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
Image - https://www.tumblr.com/search/funny%20headstone
A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
My friend commented that my clothes looked pretty gay. Well, said I, they did come out of the closet...
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na...
- My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.
- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Image https://www.littlethings.com/human-camouflage/
I opened the refrigerator door earlier and the mayonnaise yelled "Close the door, I'm dressing."
When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
Image - https://imgflip.com/i/mq839
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Image - Original Harlem Shake Darth Vader Elevator Prank Youtube
- This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.
Camping is an extreme pastime. It's in tents.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
