I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS AND ANALLY PROBED

Sometimes we just have to bend over and take it like a gimp.

This one time I was abducted by aliens. After twelve hours of anal probing they informed me that I would now believe everything I was told by the government.

They also told me that the reason they had beamed me on board their ship was because I kept going on about conspiracies, and if I wanted to avoid further anal probing I would have to stop all that.

So to all the people who want to ask me if I have been abducted by aliens, the short answer is yes, and that is why I haven't been mentioning any conspiracies.

Then today I realised that we are all being anally probed our sleep anyway so I might as well keep going on about conspiracies.

I'm probably in line for some extra hardcore probing, but what the hell.