Gradually over the last few years this fear has been growing in my mind, insidiously.
Throughout my life I have lost things, shoes, takkies (sneakers), keys, sports clothing such as swimming trunks, shirts socks, squash shorts, tee shirts, caps, even a golf club that I left behind on the one green. Once when getting in the car, I forgot my laptop next to the car and when reversing I rode over it. Another terrible experience was to leave my Seiko watch behind in a restroom in Bloemfontein after washing my hands while travelling between East London and Johannesburg. Then in February I went to the movies and left my glasses and my brand new cell phone behind. We rushed back but they only had my glasses, the cell phone had been stolen. These are several of the things that I have forgotten, but not even close to all the things I have lost.
Maybe you might think that this is just being forgetful. I used to think that, even with a bit of a smile.
That thinking of mine has been changing as these incidents are becoming more frequent. New things are also manifesting themselves. Do you know the other symptom that I have? Driving along in the car and suddenly I realise that I have utterly no idea where I am; I do not recognise my surroundings at all. It is very disconcerting as it can take even up to a full minute. I pull carefully off the road as soon as I can and I just stare. Then my mind clicks back into gear and I see that I am on a familiar road.
The most alien one that I had was when I was driving and I knew that I should recognise my surroundings. It was in a side street so there was no traffic that I had to worry about. After sitting there for a while, I realised I had stopped just past my driveway and my house was on my left. I reversed a few meters and went into the driveway of my house.
You all have had the experience when you stand up to do something but suddenly you can’t remember what you wanted to do. So you retrace your steps back to where you were when you had a thought and look carefully at your surroundings. Then it comes back to you and you go and do what you intended to. Yes, I have had those too, quite often.
The concern is that what happens to me when I am driving also happens to me when I am walking in the house from one room to another, I do not recognise my surroundings in the slightest.
I have chatted to my wife about my concerns, am I losing my mind? She does not believe so, I must just focus or concentrate on the task at hand. I am trying to do this and it does have good results.
(a happy Mr Bean until he realises he has lost his mind)
For my memory issue not to be a problem at work, I write things down or I do the task immediately. If staff ask me if I have completed a task previously requested, I often cannot remember in the slightest because once a task is finished, I put it out of my mind. Thus I now will report back to the person who generated the task for me to do that it is now complete. A much better process to follow.
(he never lost his great mind, unlike poor Bobby Fischer who lost his)
One of my greatest treasures is my mind. I have always enjoyed thinking, even from a very young age. I am quite comfortable in being alone because I have my mind. I love my books because they provide much for me to reflect on. Sometimes I have been accused of being a daydreamer.
(Nebuchadnezzar lost his mind and became a beast for a while)
I have read that to keep your mind active is a key for not going senile. I don’t know how true that is, but I have always loved chess, jigsaw puzzles and other puzzles. I love studying and read extensively, so is it going to make a difference in my eventual destiny when I get old? I certainly hope so.
But then yesterday I had an episode, a bad one for me.
I have sold the Tata to a colleague at my work. He is an expert at buying broken down cars, renovating them and selling them at a profit. Good for him, I love those with an entrepreneurial spirit. This fellow likes to do things quickly, so he wanted to bring the cash straight after work. I spoke to Michele to see if she could help me search my papers for the vehicle’s registration papers. She was justifiably very dubious, she knows that there is little logic in my filing and most of it just lies around in piles. I clearly remember taking my cell phone out of my office. Yet after the colleague paid for the vehicle at my home, I could not find the phone anywhere. I went outside to the car and searched it, looking in the boot etc. Nothing. Back inside where our bed is underneath a mountain of papers and now I search feverishly. I was not allowed to search when Michele was there as I tend to get frustrated and papers tend to fly around. I declined to eat a beautiful supper as I would not stop! I could not find the phone, I had to concede defeat. After sitting in the room for a while, reflecting on my stupidity, I decided to continue with life. I then ate supper while watching the soccer game between Argentina and Croatia. The Argentinians had an even worse day than I was having, they lost 3 – 0.
I jumped into a lovely bath and ruminated, where was the phone? Have I lost another one? What about the registration papers, I know I put them neatly in a file but I searched the files in my room and nothing was there? Wait a minute, had I moved a file to the library area, on the floor under the one bookshelf? I hastily completed the bath and dried myself off. I opened the one file and there the papers were! HOORAY, my mind triumphed over my disorganisation. I couldn’t even tell Michele as she was already sleeping. I was starting to feel better when I went to sleep.
Early the next morning, I decided to check the car one last time. The interior of the car is black leather and the phone is black too. But there was nothing on the floor or in the boot, I checked very carefully. Then the most obvious thought, probably you have already worked this out. I checked the passenger seat next to the driver, even more carefully and there wedged between the two seat was my phone.
So the problem this time is my poor searching skills, not so much losing my mind.
But I am wondering!? What about the time when I had the tumour and all subsequent treatments? The radiation, cortisone, warfarin and still pain medications, not to mention any of the other stuff I have taken, has that stuff had a permanent impact on my brain?
So what am I to do? Surely I must do something. I was chatting to a colleague and she reminded me of the value of taking Omega 3 on a daily basis. That is a definite plan to follow! Do any of you guys have similar problems? Do I see a doctor?
(omega 3 tablets are very good for our brains)
(avocados are full of omega 3)
(lovely eggsies are good too)
What I think I will do is talk to my daughter, after all she is a doctor.