Our backspace buttons have stored more stories
than our chat histories have, our realizations
came in a little later than they should have. Mine
did at least, you? You were always the perfect
and aware one. It would dawn upon me one by
one each day, each mistake I never made that
made you love me a little less. Why? Maybe
because it is over isn’t it? Because you, you
won’t turn back and hold me in your arms again
like the first time you did. And if you do, I
promise I will tightly hold your hands and never
let you go.
If only, if only you loved me and saw me break
each day as I slowly choked on the poison of
reality, the reality of us. It all crashed, did it not?
You won’t be here around to make it stand all
over again. I am a self conscious, self obsessed
immature girl who hid behind curtains to play
with you and smiled at the sight of your face.
Let me tell you a secret, a secret you will never
know that maybe, maybe we were meant to be
because signs always said so, because we kept
crossing paths till you picked me up and took me
with you. And now, I have learnt to fall in love
with your hate too.
So to you I say, I love you, tons more than I love
myself and dozens more than I love my life,
inches more than I love the idea of a perfect
waist and centimeters more than the journey we
had. Why did our journey last so less than we
measure our path in centimeters? We had pit
spots too, memories and smeared kisses in all
the places where we went. Do you see? Do you
see me holding onto nothing? The thin air that
exists. But for me I am holding onto the air you
breathe, hoping you will breathe me in too with it
and this time let me stay. Hope? No. Wish. I wish
that you do.
I believed in 11:11 pm’s and in shooting stars, I
believed in the divine and mystic and then, I
believed in us. Soon enough, you became my
constant wish, my constant prayer. In my life,
love exists in the present, I breathe in the dust
of it that flies into my present, embellished with
your scent and that reminds me that this? The
essence of us? It will always be.
It’s over and it’s gone, it’s ghost will haunt me
forever and soon, I will fall in love with it too.
Your footsteps will resonate in my dreams till my
mind turns itself to mute and then, then I will see
us, there, just almost there and then my foot
would twist because I am shaped out of
clumsiness and you wait, you wait but the path is
nowhere to be seen and we are stranded alone
till you find the girl with light shiny enough to
lead you out. Do you see? I am choking on our
reality and we both know it’s not just me who
knows it.
I used to say that I don’t have to see your eyes
to know you are crying, I don’t have to wipe your
tears away. For tears are made of feelings and
not water and love, I felt your pain more than you
did. Then why is it that you don’t see mine?
I talk to you with love, you whisper back with
lust. I walk up to you crossing a path of hate, you
touch me with fire in your fingertips. I say lust,
you grab me and scream that you got burnt. Why
set me on fire then? It’s over, isn’t it?
With love,
The one who still wishes to be loved.
