I know that I held these feelings for a very long time ever since that you left this world at a very young age to the point that I rarely share this to almost everyone let alone a few close friends and confidants about this in silence. But today that I sensed that this is the right time to do so and I just wanted to say Thank you for coming into my life even though it was a short period of time...
Proof of Tears
By the time I met him for the first time was when our zone held a annual Christmas party in 2005 and my family was the one who organized for the said event at that time. I remember that he and his youngest sister were the ones who approach me and my other siblings to offer assistance in making arrangements of the tables, chairs and equipment then introduced themselves as the new neighbors which me and my siblings greeted back to them.
Throughout the event that we talk to them in several topics which I felt that we have a common ground with them. We also introduce them to my late father whom observed my friend that he's a good person. (My Dad is a Behavior Science graduate before he took up law school which he's really good in detecting whether a person was good or bad) I remember that I'm an unpopular girl at that time in high school which I rarely have friends at that time there thus I was so happy that I've managed to befriend him without the troubles of my schoolmates.
After the Christmas party that he told his mother that me and other siblings were the only friends that they have in the very street that they moved into which we were fortunate enough to do so.
What can I describe him, for far as I can remember that he's smart, athletic (he knows karate and taekwondo), articulate, charming and an overall a good person which most of our neighbors besides their house commented that he's the perfect son which every parent would love to have although that he has certain oddities that he wasn't the typical guy that I usually saw in school or the neighborhood added that he's relatively quiet (dosen't talk too much) unless he shares his interest such as anime and rock music which me and my sibling easily get along with them.
I truly enjoy his company from time to time even though my eldest sister talks to him more often than me most of the time yet I really treasure these so much which it help me to get pass high school and enter college (Thank goodness that high school hell is over). There are some certain times that he catches up with me when I walking back home sometimes he offers a tricycle ride when he saw me walking which is nice. Not to mention that we occasionally bump up with each other at the train station sometime with my eldest sister.
By the time I loss my father in 2006 and the succeeding years that there are nasty rumors circulating regarding with my family which it made my friend furious that according to my eldest sister that he will defend us and our good name from whoever send that nasty rumor (it turn out that the rumors came from another neighbor which is a woman who rented a place beside at my house not to mention that a former driver also spreading these nasty things just to bring my family down).
I just though that he'll remain with us until that faithful day...
While I was in my sophomore year when the news broke that one of children of the new neighbor suddenly passed away which I was worried about this, I was praying that it's not him and reminding myself that there's a possibility that it's not. When my mother got home from work, I asked her which of the new neighbor's children passed away she calmly answered to me that it's my friend who passed away suddenly.
My mother's answer have stunned me and left me speechless which I quietly to my room. And as I retreating to my room that I said to myself that I've lost my father and now him? I suffered long enough since childhood and now that do I have to endure this as well? If this one is one of my tests, so let it be as it should thus I will accept it my Lord. Me, My eldest sister and my Mother attended my friend's wake at La Funeralia Paz at Araneta Avenue at that time which I cried that I was not able to repay the kindness that he has given me while he was alive back then which his mother smiled that it's alright that there's no need to do that.
While I was there, I just found out that he died due to brain aneurysm as a result of inborn weak blood vessels which the doctors told my friend's mother that he can only up to 30 and yet he died at age 18. I remembered that he also have a girlfriend at the time of his death which I didn't know and good thing that I did not do anything foolish while he was alive back then. I kept attending at his wake after classes as much as I can but I was not able to attend at his burial because I have a test at school at that time. The night before his internment that I prepared a wooden dolphin and a letter that I promised that I will graduate on time no matter what as a final parting gift to him.
After he was laid to rest, a strange thing occur when I was hanging out at the guidance office when I suddenly smelled a scent of fresh flowers in here and I noticed that there is a distinct difference of this from perfumes. So I asked the councilors if they have a bouquet with them which said that they don't which it baffles me before attending the next class. While I was listening with the professor that the said scent occurred to me which it left me confused and looking for answers. Good thing that my Philippine History professor told me that the scent that I experienced was one of the ways a deceased person communicates to the living and I was advised to pray for him which I did.
A year after he was buried that I was able to attend his 1st death anniversary which I asked his loved ones including his girlfriend that if they have experienced a scent of fresh flowers which their answered that they didn't but only one female cousin whom my late friend was very close with surprises me. Of all of his social circles that only me and his younger cousin were able to experience this. (my eldest sister talks to him more often than I while he was alive)
Fast forward that I was able to graduate on time despite the fact that the odds against me which I was able to surprise my batch mates about this predicament. As for the nasty rumors that my mother never yield by ignoring them and it slowly ended when she died due to heart attack, her spouse was forced to moved out, the two other children were not able to finished their schooling and the former driver who kept spreading the gossip that I just heard from my maid that he needs a operation because he also have aneurysm as well.
A weeks before I was graduated that I've made a little reflection that promise that I've made to him at his wake and looking back that I have made it so far then it made me realized that I didn't know that my feelings for him have changed to something romantic yet I was dismayed at the same time it occurred 2 years after his death which it was really weird indeed. (I only share this to a chosen few at that time)
Right now that I need to get off at my chest that I just wanted to say that I love you so much although way too late and I wanted to thank you for entering into my life at that time I was in my lowest. Now that I was a able to say it, I'm going to set you free and let you go so that I will have a peace of mind and you don't have to worry about me not to mention that you're in good hands in the presence of the Lord. I will live my life to the fullest and I will live justly for as long as I lived.
Fin
