Was there a moment you pause, stood still and cry a river silently for someone you miss so badly and couldn't do anything to see and talk to them again?
Well I have done that. I lost my closest cousin when I was 18. We grew up together as neighbors thinking we were best of friends, twins, and invisible heroes of all generations since we're the same age. Thought he was red ranger and I was the yellow ranger.
I idolized him for some ways. Romnick was his name. Yes, was his name. For young age he ended his life so sudden for unknown reason. If you recognize the F4 leader from Asian series. His character was a bad boy but with soft heart. Cared about his family, worked for them, and looked after his younger siblings.
When I knew about his death, it broke my heart felt my heart was missing something. Seemed my heart felt like a puzzle with missing links and half of it was lost. I thought I would never get over from it till time healed my pain.
There came a girl name Christina. A boyish teenager who became a friend of mine a year before my cousin died. We were from the same high school. She was from the least section while I from first section. I've known her since childhood but I never thought we would be friends.
She was caring, kind and respectful to her parents despite her boyish character. She was beside me when I was in tears and deep pain. She treated me in a very special way that neighbors misunderstood our friendship for something else. I pushed her away from me multiple times to avoid from rumors plus the fact that I was in relationship with her cousin Dim.
She was too soft and cried multiple times every time I tell her to stay away. It broke my heart to see her in tears thinking I was trying to end the friendship which was not the point. I just wanted her to put distance between us because I didn't want us to be judged. However, came time I cared no more and we promised to be the best of friends and be twin sisters.
There was no day that we don't talk, text, or call each other through phone or facebook even we separate ways. I finished my college and she worked for her family and became their bread winner. Then I found a job and she was still working to the same company.
For 9 years, we met at least once or twice a year. Then came a day that I knew she was hospitalized and died. Imagining her tragic death was depressing even up until now. My tears still fall everytime I see her pictures and gifts.
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mariahcarey/byebye.html
For the second time, I lost a bestfriend. And I almost lost my mind. Depression happened on me and came a day I cared no more for my life. The hurt that I thought I could not take longer. The pain that I could not understand. It was like I lost a real twin sister. Yes, I knew it was wrong but I almost ended my life too many times. I was just wanted to forget or end the pain. The pain that prevented me to breath. The pain that stabbed my heart. I was too hurt. The hurt that I thought I could not endure to move on.
It still hurts sometimes, even now I am still in tears. I never get the proper goodbye from her. Seemed she did not want to leave me in sorrow while she was dying. I know it has been 2 years when I lost her but still deeply hurts. You can click the video links for video clips I made for her. I thought I forgot the pain then why am I still in tears when I see something about her. I miss her, my truest bestfriend Disai.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=822651484532872&id=100003640838015
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=812528122211875&id=100003640838015
I never want to share this story of mine but until now. I need to share my heartache. So when you still have the chance, never waste a chance to tell your bestfriend that you care and love her. Never let others dictate your expression of friendship. Never waste time to fix your friendship when you still have the chance not until you lose them completely.