I remember this photo. I took it when I was still fighting depression when I lost my son. It was really painful. I broke down, I kept blaming myself, I was not able to eat anything at all, crying every night, I had nightmares, and regrets.
To witnessed him fighting for his life and knowing that I can't do anything about it but to pray and talk to him to fight for me, it was the worst feeling ever. A woman who suffered so much. A woman who shed so many tears just to ease the pain even just a little because of knowing that she failed. He left me with so many torn in my heart.
I tried my very best to recover from what happened. I took this photo to show people how strong I was even when I knew to myself that it was not really what i felt. I smiled, yes i did try but those smile can't really hide the truth. Because it was a force and fake smile. Those eyes who was trying to look fine never hid it. The sorrow was still showing and at the end of the day, the truth still prevails.
But then, look at the woman I am today. I succeed. Yes I failed to win my son's life back but the woman who was broken into pieces is now trying her best to put all her broken pieces back together. It will never be the same again but it is more better now. I feel more okay now because it was my choice to stand up and go on even how hard it was. I still have a lot of people to serve, to love, to care and to share my smile with.
It was like fighting with the devil and proved to him that God is still stronger and powerful than him. I never let him crushed me, never showed him that I was too weak to surrender my faith in God. I knew and believed that one day God will make me smile again without the same pain i had before. And those lonely eyes will be replaced with brighter one and full of hope. It happened and it was fast without me knowing it. I can say that I am stronger now, a strong woman than yesterday.
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