How the world has changed since Thanksgiving Day last year. That day I wrote of the things I was thankful for, and one of them, in what I knew even then was a jaw-dropping twist of irony, was "I'm thankful to be in China," which was quite tongue-in-cheek considering I was never happy there. If I had known, though, when I typed that, that barely more than a month later I would be saying good-bye to China and everyone I knew from there and embarking upon a year in which the entire world was going to be devastated by a virus from there, what would have been different?
I suppose I will never know.
The thing is, I got nearly everything out of this Thanksgiving that I lamented the absence of in the last one. I'm in the US, surrounded by family. I should be happy, right?
But this year, I'm not going to lie. It's taking everything I have to find anything to be thankful for. Look at what I listed back then.
Health?
Well, I've managed to avoid dropping dead from Chinavirus-19, so that's something I guess.
Wealth?
chuckle... I've already commented on the fact that 2019 and the January Exodus cost me everything I've ever had. I've spent the entire year barely employed, scratching ends together to provide for my children and the woman I love, and haven't even been able to accomplish THAT without help.
Family?
My children are on the other side of the world and I have no way of getting to them.
Love?
...More on that subject later.
Purpose?
...This is the hardest one to hold sight of right now.
The plain truth is I am at the bottom of my life right now. I'm making about as much money as I did in China (a bit more, actually), but considering that most of it is paid in Chinese RMB, on Alipay (which is DAMNED hard to transfer to the US), that doesn't help much. And every time this year that I've managed to get my head above water, there's been a Democrat there with a lockdown order to push me back under.
Just landed in the US after six years away? Welcome home! You're unemployable because you're a security risk.
Got around all that and got work at a tutoring center and at the local school board? Congratulations! They're both closed due to Chinavirus-19.
Making money online from your old Chinese clients? Mazel Tov! Here are some new financial regulations to make it impossible to get that money into the US.
Ready to give up and try your hand at working overseas again? Too bad! The W.H.O. (who said closing borders was a bad idea back when the virus was still mostly confined to China) has decreed that all nations should close their borders to prevent the spread of a Chinese bio-weapon that has already spread globally, and we dare not question that!
I've got very little that's going right this year.
But I do have this much.
Even though I've got not one single accomplishment to show for myself, the ones depending on me have not gone without.
When my angel, stuck in Beijing still, was out of work for most of the year because of China's botched coronavirus response, I was able to make enough from Chinese clients (who paid on Alipay, so it was easy to send to her) to keep her rent paid for all the 10 months it took before she had work again. I haven't seen her since January 4 and I'm losing my mind not knowing when I will again, but if I'd still been in China, then I'd have been out of work too and would not have been able to provide for her. So as badly as I miss her, I'm thankful that I'm not in China.
When my children's mother (and everyone in her household) found themselves out of work because the Philippines was overwhelmed by the Chinese Plague, I was able (with a great deal of help) to keep them fed. I've had fuck-all for myself, I'll confess... but I managed that much at least, even if I couldn't do it alone. And if I'd still been in China, then that would not have been possible either. So again, I'm thankful that I'm not in China.
And now, after a year that has been a vision of Hell, I am on the cusp of finally having my own tutoring business up and running. It may be... it may be, that I am finally on the verge of being able to stand up, for the first time since 2019, which began with the loss of three jobs and a house, and was followed up by a fateful trip to Thailand and the near loss of my leg. It may be, that I am finally near the point when I will be able to make good on promises I made when the world was still sane.
...And if I hadn't been ripped away last January from the life I knew, and dropped on my ass for a year, none of that would be true. None of the few things I have this year to be thankful for would be true, if my world had not gotten turned upside down last January.
Even if there's nothing I can say other than "well, I survived... somehow," I've seen enough to know that by itself is a blessing.