Patrick Turner, a 16-year-old, bright young boy from Newport Beach, California takes his own life due to burnout, after feeling under constant pressure by his school's educational practices.
My response to the statement that Patrick Turner died to make:
"It's never about the other kid."
“The stress put on me has led me to this point. Make changes.” 16-year-old, Patrick Turner’s last words to the faculty and staff of his school, Corona Del Mar High, before taking his own life.
Patrick may no longer be with us, but what he left with us, cannot be ignored. It wasn’t a question, it was a command “Make changes.” and now Patrick has us all talking about stress within our current system of education. He invited us into his inner thoughts and struggles, laid out in 3 suicide notes. He made it very clear that his stress did not come from home but that it was a result of ongoing and inescapable stress put on him at school. According to one of his notes, Patrick’s experience included being tested on material that he was not taught or exposed to in class, dreading a class because the teacher was mean and very strict, and being given worksheets in lieu of teaching while other students messed around. In another of his letters, he explained how living in Newport Beach was for him. This included, feeling like he was living in a bubble where he and his peers were always expected to do good and not make mistakes, having his worth be determined only from the outside by GPA or educational status and not his character, or feeling like a loser when you don’t make all A’s or go to college. Patrick expressed feeling like there was never an opportunity “to break.”
In response to what he experienced within his school, Patrick asked a question that moved the teacher, life coach, and child in me to share what I have learned from his notes and my own experiences. Patrick’s statement, “It is never about the other kid."
I have been on all sides of this table. I have been the high performing stressed out kid, the other kid, the low performing stressed out kid, and most recently the life coach/educator who helps kids.
What Patrick experienced was the perfect storm for what I call a H.O.T. mess. Please don’t be offended, allow me to explain. This isn’t meant to define the person, rather it defines what they are experiencing. H.O.T. stands for Highly Stressed, Overwhelmed, and Totally Exhausted.
When I started teaching earlier this year the 1st thing I taught in my math class was emotional intelligence and stress management skills. My goal was to help students to have the power to decide how they wanted to experience this school year. The students spread the word, and I still have students, who weren’t in my class, asking me to teach them these skills because they are experiencing a lot of stress. It has happened several times this week and it is only Tuesday.
My response to Patrick’s command and his statement is: “BE EPIC!” I know it sounds like more of the same, but please stay with me. I have come to the conclusion that our educational system doesn't take into account the greatness of the “other kids” and I believe that this is one factor that needs to change. Good character isn’t accounted for in GPA’s or test scores. I know we must have some metric system for education, but it begs to be a more representative measure of the whole student and every student. Genius comes in different forms. For all that we learn as students or teach as educators, by and large, we don’t learn or teach how to live well. Isn’t that what it is all about? My stellar GPA didn’t help me when I was stressed out at my job and had a heart attack in my early 30s, my college degree didn’t heal a single broken heart, all the alphabet of achievements behind my name didn’t cure my H.O.T. mess status. Now, all of the aforementioned achievements are good to have but I have learned that it is just as important, if not more important, to learn how to FAIL.My struggles didn't start in adulthood, these were the same struggles I had 20 years ago when I was Patrick's age. I didn't figure out how to handle failure and disappointment in a healthy way until I became a life coach. How I wish I knew then, what I know now. Knowing how to fail and handle disappointment, encourages greater success and happiness. However; there isn’t any room for failure to be accepted for its true value in the classroom. Our current system paints failure as a negative when it doesn’t have to be negative or positive. If we can remove this stigma, failure can just be what it is, SUCCESS IN PROGRESS.
This is what I tell my students and it is something that I wish was incorporated into my learning experience as a teenager:
B.E. E.P.I.C.
Be yourself- everyone else is taken
Experience your emotions- express yourself
Embrace Failure- it is success in progress
Pause for play- it gives your brain a break
Incorporate your flaws- imperfections are your superpower
Cancel all comparison- you don't have enough info to
“BE EPIC” may be simple, but it is NOT easy. However, practice will move you from H.O.T mess to E.P.I.C. success.
Patrick, thank you for making sure that we are aware of "the other kid" and mindful of ways to help him.
Please note: I have great respect for educators. Most of them are trying everything that they can think of to prepare students for the job market and for life. Many of them, much like Patrick, believe that the system is broken and that it is a hindrance to the student as well as the educator. More on that in a separate post.
#makechanges #whatabouttheotherkid #iamtheotherkid #patrick #turner #beepic #iampatrickturner