Have you ever diagnosed yourself with a mental health condition and then shared it with your therapist? Were you right? Was the discussion with your therapist helpful for your healing?

I actually did this. I came across a post on Quora that was about some aspect of how therapy clients with borderline personality disorder often behave. The comment thread highlighted where the controversy was, and the comments on one side of it were not kind. And I was riveted… because I so identified with what the kinder comments on the other side were saying and the experience of being judged harshly that the less kind side was so thoroughly articulating. I read a bunch more stuff about BPD and decided that’s what I had.. and a few sessions later told this to my therapist.

I don’t think my therapist ever really believed I had it. But he did validate my experience and normalized the feelings. His philosophical orientation is to never pathologize his clients, something I have come to greatly appreciate over time, especially after reading a few accounts of clients who have experienced being pathologized by therapists, or where a declaration of “must be a boderline” was made way too quickly and with seeming disdain.

I don’t believe “Were you right?” is the best question to ask, or at least it doesn’t work for me as well. To me, a better question would be, “Did making and sharing that self-diagnosis help you heal?”

I can answer that question with a resounding yes. I will never know if I would have ever qualified for a clinical BPD diagnosis. But that’s not the point. The point is that I understand where the symptoms I was experiencing come from in terms of my trauma history, and I do much better with emotional regulation. I’m also getting to know myself better, and working towards greater integration and that sense of wholeness I have always longed for but which for so long seemed out of reach. My therapist has been supporting me through that process every step of the way.