What would have happened if you woke up a little earlier and you had not missed the bus? What would have happened if you had dared to speak to this very interesting person with whom you met? What would have happened if you had not broken up with your partner? And if you had told your boss what you really think?
We take these questions constantly. What would have happened if, instead of taking this road, would we have taken another? Then the possibilities open to us are virtually endless. In fact, we are aware that it is a mental game, a fantasy, but still we can not help but wonder "what would have happened if ..."
The situations that trigger these thoughts
1. Scenario "almost". This is a feeling you probably know: everything seemed to be going well, until at some point something went wrong. Then you can not help wondering what would have happened if you had done something differently at some point along the way.
For example, if you missed a flight because you arrived several hours late, it is obvious that there will be much to do, not much room for this type of conjecture. In that case, you can worry only to remedy the problem. However, if you arrive with barely a minute late and you close the door almost before your eyes, you can not help wondering what would have happened if you had risen just 5 minutes earlier, if there had been no jam on the road or if you had not stopped to take that cup of coffee .
This is a particularly painful feeling since you've been close to achieving what you wanted, but the opportunity narrowly escaped you. Therefore, you can not help but wonder what you did wrong and what you could have done better for that not to happen.
2. Abnormal scenario. This refers to a fairly unlikely or rare scenario, something that usually does not happen. In that case, we can not help but wonder what would have happened if things had transpired normally.
For example, imagine that one day you're forced to go to work for a different route and just before you an accident that leaves you stuck for an hour occurs, causing to miss an important meeting for your career. The odds that the street you normally drive closed and an accident occurred on the road that has taken just a big day are slim but still occurred. When you live unusual situations, it's hard to beat yourself not thinking what would It happened if things had happened as always, if you had not had all these setbacks. In fact, even you probably think that this is a "sign of destiny."
Why do we tend to think of ways we never take?
We continually ask what would have happened if we had gone another way to make sense of our lives, what is happening to us. Interestingly, imagining other possible scenarios, we better understand our reality.
In this regard, a study conducted at the University of Ohio revealed that we use this way of thinking depending on the situation in which we find ourselves. We can imagine that things could have been worse or better, depending on the context.
These psychologists found that when people know that they will not get a second chance to do things differently, try to give encouragement thinking that everything could have gone worse, it is a form of consolation to help us accept what happened. However, if we have a second chance, we tend to think that things could have gone much better, so we encourage you to try again and improve our performance.
The dark side of imagining fictional scenarios
Still, we must be attentive to this mechanism because it does not always use it to lift morale. In fact, if we continually ask "what would have happened if ..." we risk start living in a fantasy world and feel deeply dissatisfied with our lives. Returning to reality, we may feel guilty and frustrated, which does not do us much good . The tendency to constantly think about what might have happened may reflect a deep dissatisfaction with reality or past decisions that we have not accepted completely. In fact, we will be more likely to think this way if in the past we have made
decisions driven by others or by circumstances, decisions that did not come from within and did not feel safe. Think of all possible scenarios can be a harmless mental exercise but at some point along the way, we must learn to let go of some things, otherwise, those thoughts become resentment, guilt and regret. And that does not do us any good.
Remember that :)
Thanks
