Who has ever been catfished?
🙋🏽
Anyone? Anyone else?
🙆🏽
Can't count myself again? Oh... Okay.
Well... I think it should totally be illegal...
Here's a story one of my very, very interesting worst catfish/meet-ups...
Alright... So, first things first. I'm really big into the dating scene. I'm young, I'm dumb, and I like food... So why not?! Think of every dating site, and I have it... I even tried out Farmersonly.... Buttttt.... They weren't too fond of me on there. 😂 Anyways, you name it, I have it.
Don't get me wrong... Not all of my meet-ups have been bad. I've been to carnivals, festivals, mountains, and other amazing experiences... But... The story I'm about to tell you has to be in the top 3 worst meet-ups I've ever had through social media.
So. Let's start with how we met. Let's call him Tim.
Tim and I, began talking through social media once I found out that I was moving to his city/state. We established that there wouldn't be anything weird going on between us, because we haven't met yet, so we decided that friends would be the way to go.
I moved within the next following months, and by that time we've exchanged pictures (not dirty ones, you pervs 😂), spoke on the phone, and video chat.
Fast forward to when we were supposed to meet.
He explained to me that he was moving out of his mom's house in two weeks, so he didn't want me to feel awkward going there... Me being the awkward person I am, definitely didn't want to explain to his mother how we met... So he decided to get a hotel for himself, he knew I wasn't okay with staying the night over there and he was a gentleman about it.
I pull up to the hotel in my baby (my car), her name is Shelly. 😂 I call him and tell him I have arrrrived, and he says okay cool, we'll be there in a second.....
We'll....
we'll? 🤔🤔🤔
Then... A family van pulls up next to me...
huh.
He gets out and so does his mom....
🛑 Red flag number 1.
Oh. Okay. Um.... Er.... Hello ma'am..
They say their goodbyes.... And... I get out of my car.
Woah....
Okay... So, let me tell you... I'm not very tall. I'm 5'3 1/2"
(can't forget the half)
He told me that he was 5'10...
But, what he neglected to tell me what that he was 5'10... But only with 6 inch heels on.
He was almost my height... We went to the room, so he could put his bags up and we can drive and get food. (well, I can drive and get food 🙄)
"I thought you were 5'10?"
Then, he gives me the deer in headlights look as he takes off his hat to reveal another red flag....
"I'm sorry... I know girls don't like short guys... I just wanted to meet you..." he says to me as I'm staring at his head covered in patches... It looked sort of like a dog with mange mixed with an area with poorly cut grass...
🛑Red flag number 2.
I give a sigh.... Understanding that people have their insecurities and hate to reveal them but damn... I was mad.
Anyways... I tell him don't lie to me ever again. Kind of like scolding a child, although he was about 3 years older than me.
He then says, "I don't really want to go out to eat, I can order some pizza if you'd like?" I love food so why the hell not.
We watch cartoons and eat pizza. I eat about 3 slices to his one... When all of a sudden.... He gets up and goes to the restroom...
If you have a slightly weak stomach, just up vote this and go on with the rest of your day
So... He goes to the restroom... He gone for about a whole TV show.... The room smells terrible as he leaves the restroom as pale as the holy ghosts buttcheeks in the wintertime.... I'm like hey bro.... Are you okay?
🛑Red flag number 3.
Now if you were smart, you probably would've left a long time ago.... But obviously.... I don't fall into that category
He's like no.... I feel like I'm about to die.
SO OBVIOUSLY I CANT LEAVE. I would be the last person he saw before he died. That would suck... I'm pretty damn ugly.
I get him some water and pray that he doesn't die.. While I'm here.
I hand him the water and he takes a sip.
He gets up and runs to the bathroom and starts violently puking....
I'm like dude. Do you want me to call 911?!?!
He yells at me and tell me no.
😒 "don't yell at me, patches. I will fuck you up"
Is what I would've said if I was positive he wasn't gonna die.
I'm like.... Okay. Do you want me to call your mom?
He says no again. So, I close the door while his puking echoes the room....
I'm like.... Oh shit... This is a great time to escape...
But the stupid, little angel on my shoulder won't let me leave.
The shower turns on and I knock on the door and go in.... He's laying in the bathtub covered in puke and poop and I'm like....
Okay I'm gonna call your mom....
You can totally imagine how that phone call went.
"Hi there ma'am... Um.... Tim is laying in the bathtub covered in stuff... We need you to come here...."
She's like, "Oh no, not againnn"
Wait.
Is this normal?
Does this happen often?
You knew this was gonna happen?!?
"I'll be there in 3hrs."
Did she just say 3hrs?
"I think he needs you now, ma'am... He really doesn't feel good..."
"Yeah we live 3hrs away..."
😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐
So, I sat there...
Listening to the comforting sounds of someone puking their guts out for 3 1/2 hrs, because she grabbed some food on her way there...
She got there and she was like...
"So, you're probably not going to see him again are you? "
We stood there staring at each other for about 15 seconds.
😐
😐
"no."
And sped away as fast as I could....
As for Tim.... He's alive and well. We have not spoken to each other...
And frankly I'm okay with that.
I wish I could tell you all this story in person so you all could see the seriousness in my face
Thanks for reading
-Jain Dough 💋