Toilets, a disgusting part of our daily lives. If they're not, you should probably eat more fiber and stay hydrated.
Seat up or down? This debate has been going on since time immemorial. As long as man has lived with woman, or vice versa, the argument over leaving the seat up has been a heated discussion in many households.
Of course, the actual solution is to put the seat and the lid down, so every party must position the seat to their needs. Also, the inside of even the cleanest toilet should not be displayed in any room of the house unless necessary.
Obvious solutions aside, might I make the argument that the seat down or up debate actually, in my opinion should favor the man. Hear me out. When men stand at the altar of the holy excrement to relieve themselves, it is necessary to maintain control of the portal of our asparagus scented stream. It stands to reason that to do so requires the use of one's hand or hands. There is no debate on the importance of accuracy in this endeavor and focus, along with hand eye coordination, is key! I am no expert on the day to day proceedings of women at the ladies’ latrine but I highly doubt there is much need for the use of their hands. Therefore, it would seem to me that the most sanitary option is to leave the seat up so as to eliminate the need to touch the filthy seat before using the same hand as master and commander. As I understand it, toilet paper is inevitably involved in a woman's expulsion of fluids so, keeping sanitation in mind, some tp can appropriately be used to lower the seat since it is already a necessary accoutrement to the toilet experience for women. I'm sure the argument could be made for men to do the same but let's be economical here. That paper costs money. Why use it so wastefully?
Of course I'm speaking in jest and hope I have not sent the reader into some nerd rage about sexism and bathroom etiquette. Like I said, the correct answer is to leave your toilet covered. Nobody wants to look into the abyss of your sewage system. Have some decency!
The real question I have is why toilet technology has not advanced since the dawn of the industrial age.
"But, Mayushi, haven't you seen those incredible Japanese toilets?" Of course I have! Who hasn't daydreamed about listening to the soulful songs of whales as cherubs gently mist your bottom clean while doing your business in a scent controlled environment? Do I look like a Rockefeller to you? Who can afford such luxuries?
What I do believe could be an affordable solution is being used in campgrounds across America, solving the use of any appendages touching the petri dish of plague-ridden germs and deadly viruses that is the common toilet.
Have you ever been in a motorhome or large camper that is equipped with a toilet? If you haven't, I recommend you seek out the experience. What it lacks in audible privacy, it more than makes up for in its clever, and most sanitary, solution to the seat and flush mechanism of the waste disposal system. Foot pedals! That's right, your feet! Of course I would assume they are covered with shoes or at least some sort of sandal, else we find ourselves in the same predicament. Whoever designed these toilets should design similar models for the home. For the men, there is a pedal that raises the seat without the need for getting handsy and, when you complete your business, the seat floats down slowly through some kind of hydraulic wizardry that eliminates the abrupt clash of contact between the bowl and the lowering seat. Then there is the ingenious use of a second foot pedal to engage the flush, which can be appreciated by everyone who participates. Why can't we have such simple designs in our household bathrooms? Why must we time and again grasp so closely to something no one in any other circumstances would dream of touching? Somebody please get on this.
As a final note, please wash your hands, whether you're an employee or not! I don't need your vile fingerprints all over the drink fountain when I'm choosing which beverage I'd like to enjoy.
I hope this has given you some pause for thought and some fuel for your obsessive compulsive nightmares. Perhaps you are reading this while having a peaceful productive sit on your own waste receptacle at home. If so, I hope the opinions I have shared have been well digested.
