Sometimes in life they will be moments when you need to make decisions to close certain chapters in your life with some people involved in as a result because simply this is not good for your psychological, emotional, biological and social health. Simply you must do it, not even in terms of selfishness but in terms of survival of your own individual homo sapiens species.
Picture credit to google search engine.
I think I am experienced enough to claim that ending of something is purely a new beginning and can be a beautiful experience, I stopped attach a trauma or sadness to the events which maybe painful to face at the moment of facing but they are a pure blessing in long term. I strongly discourage anybody to follow into trap of saving someone despite the simple fact they do not see a problem, leave this very difficult job to professionals who know how to deal with it. If you are the only person who is able to see a problem and someone else does not; it is true they do not see a problem indeed. You just need to accept this as a fact and move on, please stop trying analyzing obvious facts, stop explaining someone everyone has the same 24 hours in the day, face and digest the reality, sooner is better.
Not everyone who you will come across in your life has pure intention. Some people simply mixed this very simple rule regarding using things and loving people, they just have different values based on the principle of using people for their own need and loving material things. Can you fix this? No. If you realize that someone is showing this attitude please run as fast and as quick as possible to avoid harsh disappointment. Those kind of relationships, friendships are only good when you are investing in it, pouring your heart and soul into to making this work, moment when you stop all this draining and unhealthy practice you will be able to see the reality check up as this kind of relationship was a matter of illusion or one way benefits focused approach.
This is life and more than less nothing can be done about it. Even the most cautious and careful people can be victim of those kind of extremely toxic and energy sucking people. Unless they realize they have problem it is nothing what you can do to help them, but please help yourself and leave them to be. Allow them to complain like is the reward for it, let them lead they destructive life but without you at the present. This is such a horrible thing to say, but you need to understand one rule of life, when saving drowning person you can't give them your hand because they will pull you with them. It is the same in dealing with energy sucking people who think you belong to them..
Unfortunately toxic people do the same, when you give them helping hand they will not take your hand they will take the whole you. This is extremely important for you to understand, toxic people do not take little help they have this amazing demanding approach to life as they deserve all the attention, time and help and they will get it with your permission or without it. They do have extremely high level of manipulating skills, focusing their energy only on their issues, however they will make you feel like your problems matters as well but they do not really. They are using you for their own benefit, you have the important role to fix their personal issues, even if your intention was not to do so, you will be actively involved in doing so.
Most of humans who come across of toxic people feel like suffocating when surrounded by those negative vibes and I am not surprised at all! Please tell me who can manage for a long period of time?
Maybe people who do not feel like they are good enough to be treated better and they simply accept this way of treating as the only best thing happen to them? Maybe they just hope by sacrificing their life the effected person will be able to fix their life. Maybe they feel guilty by leaving them how they are, because they were before in similar situation and they lost loved one as a result and they promised themselves to help someone in need one day? Maybe simply they believe they love and commitment will be enough to create a sustainable change?
The amount of hypothetical approaches can be hundreds or thousands but if it is about you being involve in this toxic situation please think of yourself for a moment that your life matter a lot, and you are worthy to be having a healthy relationship in your work, personal or family life. You do not need to sink with someone just because they have serious unresolved issue and they think they have dictatorial right to you. No. They do not have any right to you unless you give them the power to do so. It can be hard to see clearly the drama of the situation when you are actively involved without realizing that someone is actually using you for their own purposes.
However, I wish you to have all the courage to walk away from this very sick, depriving, and limiting situation when your values are deeply compromised to accommodate needs of someone who can not be saved by you. I just hope you realize this in time and give yourself a chance to live happy and fulfilled life where you can be not only yourself but you can feel like breathing beautiful life with every breath you take. Life can be so short and I do not want you to live your life with dogma, or feeling the need to compromise your values just because someone is not willing to face them themselves; it can be different if they willing to do so. I want you to remember that your life is precious, and sometimes very short so please do not try to fix people who do not want to be fixed and who just want you to use you for their own purposes. Please respect yourself enough to walk away from people who are just not meant to be in your life, because they see you as an object or the tool to get them where they want to be, forgetting about one extremely important fact; you have a choice and please choose your wellness.
I want to leave you with few simple steps to help you dealing with toxic people
- Practice self-compassion when you're feeling bad, take time for yourself
- As for support and talk to other people about it
- Practice empathy and compassion
- Do not take toxic behavior personally, they are how they are
- Stop pretending that toxic behavior is ok
- Find positive people who will share your passions and genuine care for you
- Cut them out of your life, move on without them
I hope that you never come across in your life with toxic situation created by circumstances, people etc, however if you ever do please do not feel like you need to be involve in it. You do not need to be. Toxicity is not good for anybody, so keep yourself safe and stay away as far as possible, unless you are professional and you know what you are doing.
All the best and be bless
from Margo