So yesterday I decided to trade again after 2 weeks of sitting in fiat and watching how bears keep destroying delusional crypto enthusiasts (I believe in the future as well, but there is no reason to give away my money in short-term I think). And I started slowly with a clear plan to buy at the bottom (which happened to be the top) and keep adding little by little as the price goes down. This kind of plan has always worked for me... but only when I was following it. This time, however, I was convinced that we reached the bottom and bought shit loads (way more than my bank allows me to) of ETC to watch it bounce a little to sell. It never bounced and only kept going south.
I became frustrated.
I panic sold.
I panic bought back.
I couldn't control my emotions. By the way, who knows where to buy a new mouse? This old one crashed into pieces somehow...
The market bounced eventually, but I sold way too early, but still cut my loses at least by a little.
It all happened in minutes but I felt how this uncontrollable urge to gamble rushed through my veins again. It has been a while since I faced my desire to gamble and risk it all and I was almost certain that it was behind me for good already. However, now I know that those deep desires never go away. They just hide in the shadows waiting for even the slightest opening to creep back in and get you. So be safe at war against yourself.
Anyway, I went to sleep with -500 euros. Woke up today, went down by 300 more. I didn't even trade it seemed - just made some quick buys and sells and paid the fees. I had no conviction and belief in my decisions. I made the right calls but couldn't capitalize on those calls because of my state of being. And that is super important to remember - even though you can call the top and the bottom, it doesn't mean that you will follow your predictions in the real market, which knows how to get you rekt. It is designed to get you rekt. However, I was fortunate enough to buy complete bottom before this bounce. And yet again, I sold way too early (like 2k too early). Anyway, I cut my loses from 800 to 350. And that is when the most amazing thing happened.
I was sitting completely exhausted with 350 fewer euros in my trading balance, smiling and feeling happy as if I have just won a freaking lottery.
It is amazing how gambling is designed to make us feel like winners when we lose 1,000,000 and win back 500. Have you ever noticed that as well, or is it just me?
Anyway, with momentum shifting, I made a few more good calls and even made a little profit in the end. And now, when I reflect on my trades, I can tell you that it was not the market that rekt me, but I did it myself. I let myself down and made the worst decisions ever which I would never make if I traded without emotions with my head completely clean. I am just glad that I did not have to pay too much for this lesson. Once again the life showed me that I am never in control, even when it comes to controlling my own feelings and emotions. That is sad, isn't it? And if you think that you are in control of yourself, well, I guess you will have to learn the truth in a hard way.
Getting rekt is an important lesson so appreciate it. That will make you feel much better.
And another thing I learned from all this experience is that whenever you lose money, you must always try to win it back as fast as you can. If you have a chance to use x100 leverage, do it. Also, if you think that these two last advices are honest and true... maybe gambl.... trading is not for you.