I have only ever met one transgender person (to my knowledge...). She was attractive, outgoing, and likable. And she had a thing for my dad, which was weird for me. I was 30 something. But it still felt weird to have someone besides my mom have the hots for my dad, even though they'd been divorced for 10 years. (image above from alltimelists.com)
The fact that this woman was formerly a man made things a little awkward for me at that time. I can't even remember how we became acquainted with her, or how I knew she was transgender. I just have a vague recollection of being at some kind of business seminar with my dad and my brother, she hit it off with my brother, and ended up coming with us to lunch.
She called herself Renee, after Renee Richards--a transgender advocate in the 1970's. Renee and I were joking in the back seat, and I remember her telling me that she was interested in my dad. She flirted shamelessly with him in the car and at lunch, and was fairly sexually forward about it. I thought her flirting was tasteless, transgender or not. But my dad didn't seem too affected either way, so I got over it.
But the part that kind of stuck with me was this one thought: "I wonder if she is just really desperate to try out her new woman parts on my dad, and that's why she's so forward."
It wasn't that I meant to think it. I just did. I really had no point of reference or understanding of what motivated an individual to change their body into a different gender altogether. And so what if that's the case? What if she really did want to try things out? It's like getting a new bike. Of course you're going to want to ride it!
And then the next question came..."What ARE her new woman parts like????"
I would not ordinarily recommend asking this question of someone, transgender or not. It's kind of a private thing, don't you think? Not everyone is as sexually forward (or horny) as Renee.
But, being as open as Renee was, the conversation kind of took a natural turn. She had no reservations talking about her transformation. She had had sex reassignment surgery done in Australia. It was four surgeries, actually, as well as hormone therapy, psychiatric evaluations, voice training, wardrobe consultations, and anti depressant therapy. Over a couple of years and a couple hundred thousand dollars later, SHE WAS A WOMAN. And she did indeed have fully functioning female plumbing, as it were. And really great thighs, damn her.
She informed me that her plastic surgeon was so skilled, she had had sex plenty of times with men who had no clue. I was completely dumbfounded. I had NO idea doctors could do these things! This was only eight years ago, but the trans gender conversation hadn't hit my poor little virgin ears, yet. And this was a lot to take in.
Needless to say, for me the transgender conversation was always primarily a sexual one. After all, we are sexual beings. Gender reassignment has a lot to do with, well, sex.
But it is MORE than that. And the philosophical part of me wants to understand what that "more" part is.
I had just learned that gender reassignment was not just about appearance, but function as well. So obviously there was the physical/pleasurable aspect of a gender reassignment. But what was the rest of it?
What would cause someone to be so driven as to completely give up their identity, spend their entire life savings, undergo risky surgery resulting in a drastic physical metamorphosis, and completely change how they interact with society and how society views THEM for the rest of their lives?
The only thing I could think of that remotely resembled this was something of a witness protection program including plastic surgery for a high profile mobster who wanted never to be found again.
In essence, there really just is no comparison to this kind of identity change.....is there....? So I have some questions. I hope you'll share your comments. A lot of us don't actually have any real understanding of what it is like to be you. And I guess we'd like to know.
Readers, please keep comments kind and respectful. This is not meant to be judgmental or rude or a debate. Also, please let me know if I'm using the correct terms. I don't want to be derogatory.
Question # 1: Why did you do it?
What I mean is, did you always just "feel" like you were another gender (i.e.: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc.), or did you simply want to BE another gender? Please elaborate a little if possible.
Question #2: Is there a such thing as gay or straight?
Did you always feel a physical attraction for your same gender? If so, did you affiliate yourself as "gay" before your reassignment, or did you see yourself as straight in a wrong-gender body? Or some other explanation?
Question #3: What does "gender" mean to you?
Obviously gender means something, or you would not have completely done a mobster-level witness protection program transformation on your identity. What does gender mean to you?
Question #4: Does gender neutrality bother you?
There is a lot of talk about gender neutrality these days. We also see a change in clothing and textiles where men and women dress more and more alike. Skinny jeans, would be one example. Male and female bodies, gender roles and stereotypes, and traditional societal expectations of behavior seem to become more and more irrelevant over time. A recent meme on Facebook read, "If you see someone and can't figure out what gender they are, who cares?"
Does this attitude bother you? Don't you want to be recognized as the gender you have spent so much time, effort, and money designing and cultivating?
Question #5: Was it all it's cracked up to be?
What were you expecting would happen when you came out on the other end of surgery? Were your expectations met, or disappointed? Were you happy with the results? Do you miss the "old" you sometimes, or are you pretty much the same? Do you ever wonder if you might have made a mistake? Were you disappointed to discover that you are not much different, you just had a different body?
Question #6: What's the part you like most?
Are you happier and more content in your life and in your relationships now? Do you feel more at ease with your life Or is it about the same? Or is it worse? Or both?