This has been a challenging week for me. I have a bit of a stomach bug and its had me in bed for the last four days, which means no gym and I'm going a bit stir crazy. To top it off the lab lost my blood work for my last visit so the doctor did not prescribe my next round of patches, I only found this out two days before my patches ran out and only because the pharmacy called me to ask about it ( they are so good to me! Always got my back!)
So when I called the doctor they apologized and asked me too come back for another blood draw, but they only called in a one month supply of my estrogen patches, which my insurance won't cover, they only cover the three month prescription. So all that trouble I had getting adjusted to the estrogen patch is wasted, I'm using my emergency supply of estrogen pills until I'm well enough to go to the doctors for the blood draw to get my patches back. Then go back onto the patches and fight through the adjustment period again. I'm honestly exhausted and feel worn down. I'm not giving up or anything I'm just feeling the weight of it all this week and it has me a bit down.
Once I can get back into the gym and in my routine I will snap out of it. I'm just very much an outdoor cat. I'm feeling very positive about myself and my body this week. My two subs and I have been seeing allot of one another and that adds allot of body positivity to my world. My workout routine has been paying off as well! Almost have my six pack back!
There are allot of things that I casually blame or praise estrogen for, but hands down it has made my emotional availability color as apposed to black and white. Its extremely fulfilling to be able to feel, well everything, in the proper way. I know to my cis friends that will make no sense but that's the only way I can describe it. I have never felt more authentically myself than I have sense my ochidectamy. The complete removal of testosterone from my system has "cost" me some things, or so other people say, like 30% of my upper body strength and some other things but I have felt no actual loss in all this,
I love myself now, its something I've never before felt, I'm starting to see me, actually me, in the mirror for the first time ever and I am deliriously happy. Just so everyone understands that when I say I'm down its small scale compared to the massive up I live every day!! Life is so spectacularly amazing, I feel so lucky to meet wonderful people and share my stories with you all. I hope each one of you is well and has a marvelous day!!
