It was in September 2016 when I left my hometown. The satiety of everydayness and the boredom out of routine were too much for me to endure.
Since 2011 I dreamt of wandering without direction and with no rush whatsoever, but certain college education, that high paying job, a girlfriend who didn´t share my traveling agenda, countless debts and one a bit of a coward Eric kept stopping me from taking that step into the so longed uncertain destiny.
However, in the blink of an eye my reality changes, all those factors that were stopping me, they all vanished at pretty much the same time, and the strength of the thought I don´t have anything pulling me back, I don´t need to stay put in my city was too much for me to ignore.
It was Now or Never.
I went for Now>. From that moment on, all of my days are now. I don´t worry about the future and I don´t allow the past to follow me around - oh well, at least I try, but I don´t succeed all the time -, but this post is not about the way I live while traveling, what I want to express this time is very different.
This post is about the struggle and at the same time easiness of not belonging anywhere and yet, belong everywhere.
When I started to long term travel, I didn´t understand the seriousness of emotional closeness, I didn´t know how essential is that sense of belonging that we as humans need. We are social animals, the need of being part of a group is engraved on our species DNA and no matter how hard someone tries todeny it, the happiness we get when feeling accepted, loved and considered is one of the most powerful motors in life.
There are men who always play domino with their pals on thursday; some dudes go play football every saturday with the bros; some others attend the same bar every friday to meet the gang; we have those who practice their favorite hobby with the pals every wednesday... anyway, I could go on but I think you get the point. A few years ago I read about the psychological effect this has on a man´s psyche: being part of a group of friends where you can share and unload some burdens between men is one of the most important things in life, it actually helps us to cope and to be happier, it allows us to not loose our minds.
In my case, being constantly on the run and moving from town to town, from city to city - I think I´ve probably been to more than 100 towns/cities in the past year -, to meet so many people with which you connect on a different level, to experience so many new emotions, unknown sensations but mostly, to get to know yourself a bit more every day, has me 100% convinced that I made the right choice to take that step forward into adventure.
If you´ve been reading my blog, you know it is not about traveling, it is about adventure, no matter the where. Constant adventure fulfills me, but that doesn´t mean it is easy to have a lifestyle like that.
It´s not easy because, when you decide to change hometowns every 3-5 days, you end up not belonging anywhere and not being part of any social group.
That constant movement denies you the possibility of rooting, it doesn´t allow you to have friends who knows you better than yourself, you can´t speak about your daily problems/achievements with anyone and your conversations with strangers are very limited - a few days ago I had a very nice and intense conversation that went from 8 pm to 4 am... Do you want to know how long has it been since I had one of those?
Puting down roots, to make friends, have DMC´s (Deep meaningful conversations)... I don´t do that while I travel, in fact I avoid it at all cost, because after traveling for a while, you realize that to do all those things is to suffer and put your heart in pain. So I avoid it - but I can´t always succeed -, being a nomad does not get along with feeling like you belong, they just don´t, they are enemies like Ukraine and Russia.
When I started to travel I didn´t know this would happen. You should´ve seen how many times I suffered when leaving a magical town, a new friend, a short but intense love, a place where I felt like home at least for a few minutes... anyway, to have to pull the roots hurts - even if the roots are small -, but with time you learn to enjoy now and to get the most out of it, without thinking about anything else.
To be clear, to be emotionally unatached* doesn´t mean to not enjoy life at its fullest, to trust in people, to care about others, it just means that the here and now is more important than everything else. To focus in experiencing without that fear of loss, whether it may be a place, a friend, a feeling, a girl, a sensation or whatever, to focus on this, is the key for not feeling nostalgia while your trip goes on.
*not to be confused with detached. Detached means you don´t really cope with sentiments, unatached is that you choose to not get involved with them, but you DO feel them,
This doesn´t mean I don´t engage, it just means I engage so much everywhere I go and focus on here and now, that I don´t have time to miss the past. On the other hand, I´ve found in myself the best sidekick, the best person to have a conversation with, the best lover - no, I don´t mean touching myself, you dirty minded steemian -, I mean, when you learn to love yourself, to accept yourself as you are, to continue to know yourself everyday, to be able to be with only your thoughts for hours at a time, having conversations with your alter-ego, is when the here and now starts. I´m not saying I don´t need friend, love or feeling like I belong... every time iI have the chance and I can afford to suffer, I will dig in my roots, even when I know it will hurt, I just don´t do it as often as before.
Achieving this... well, I haven´t achieved anything who am I kidding, this is not something you achieve, you just move forward, you never stop learning and growing in the path of life, but what I´ve learnt so far, taught me how to leave a small piece of me behind in every place I go, every conversation I have, every kiss I give, on every place I felt happy in, in those moments where I felt something new. At the same time, I take a piece of them with me, I carry it with me very close to my heart and when I remember it, a smile is drawn in my face.
That way, it is amazing not belonging anywhere and at the same time, being part of everywhere... not missing of feeling nostalgia, because if I do that, then it becomes there and yesterday... if I find myself thinking of the past, all I have to say to me is...