As the sun sank slowly in the west and tera firma disappeared over a darkening horrizon, we scampered off (well in my case limped off, explanation below) to freshen up before indulging in the first of the evenings entertainment options and attempting to master ship board navigation.
Our cabin was right at the back of the ship (the stern), and of course the first venue (The Marquee) was right at the front of the ship (the bow). So after making ourselves look even more fabulous than usual we had to get all the way from one end of this enormous bloody great ship to the other.
Now this is a teeny weeny problem, because I’m not particularly stable on my feet at the best of times, even on dry land, on a good day with a prevailing wind.
Tip 1: If you have the option always get a cabin mid ships (in the middle) both vertically and horizontally. This is the most stable part of the ship and is closest to everything!
As previously mentioned in my blog I have a cluster of auto immune diseases, one of which is rheumatoid arthritis. Now we aren’t talking a couple of stiff joints here, this is your industrial strength, can’t move without mild anethstesia, will hospitalise you for weeks at a time variety.
Don’t even think about waving a tube of arthritis gel at this sucker, unless you’re going to lace it with C4. Nope this mother barely responds to a mega narcotics patch, weekly chemo, monthly biologic and daily coritico steroids and enough paracetemol to keep my local pharmacy in profit. And if I wasn't allergic to coedine well...
However, karma or the universe (insert your preferred belief system here), felt this just wasn’t impacting my walking quite enough, so 8 years into the auto immunes, it ran over me with a bloody great truck which took me out in my car on the freeway at 100 kmh.
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This left me with a minor brain injury, which stuffed up my depth perception and vision making me prone to falling on my ass, which leads to foot, leg and ankle injuries. I must have been very, very naughty in a former life… Wish I had video, I could make a fortune!
So, add the stability and mobility of your average 90 year old, to a pair of rarely worn shoes, a rolling deck and the distance from cabin to venue and I’m clinging to the hand rails for dear life! Amusingly other passengers offer to buy me another round thinking I’m hammered as I zig zag down the deck in between hand rails laughing my ass off!
Tip 2: Never turn down the offer of a drink from your fellow passengers, because they are, actually hammered. Always good for a laugh!
It had been a very, very hot day and we were really loving the air con and the show, while not running very long, only 45 minutes. The first nights show was a comedy hypnotist ’Anthony Laffan’ who is also a clinical hynotherapist interestingly. The show was hillarious and entertianing and he had quite a large group of people doing some very amusing things, even some of the audience fell under his spell.
Though we were quite engrossed in the show, we did start to notice that we were undulating up and down in our beautiful comfortable lounge seats a little more with every passing minute.
Undetered, and the show over, we were ready to move onto the next event on the evenings calendar, dinner at the Waterfront restaurant. Now let’s see if you can guess where this is located? Of course back at the other end again, I think P&O do this on purpose to wear us out so we are too tired to mutiny! So back to the stern!
Tip 3: No matter what the Entertainment Director implies about the passengers outnumbering the crew, unless you really, really like fish, I'd give the mutiny a miss, because eventually they will run out of chardy!
While making our way back we heard an announcment that the Bianco Champagne Welcome Party had just changed venue. Now the rockin’ and rollin’ made sense, clearly there was a storm brewing and the pool party was a wash out and had been moved indoors.
Having made it to the stern we enjoyed our dinner at the Waterfront despite a few ups and downs and then popped back to our cabin directly below for some sea sick meds (just as a precaution).
Then of course no surprise where they moved the Bianco Champagne Welcome Party to… Of course, back to the bow! So now we had to go all the way back to the bow of the ship. Again, seriously are they kidding me!
It’s worth mentioning that in addition to going from bow to stern a few times here, we were also going up and down and I don’t mean with the waves, I mean in the lifts! Our cabin was on Deck 9, the Waterfront was on Deck 12, the Marquee was on Deck 8 and the Dome was on Deck 14. It’s a bit like playing 3D chess. When the doors open and everyone flows out of the lift you have no bleedin’ idea where the hell you are. But no one really seems to care that much.
Having now traversed the vessel from stem to stern numerous times we made it to the Bianco Champagne Welcome Party on deck 14, this is about as for aloft as you can get, so it tends to exacerbate any movement of the vessel.
As this venue is somewhat smaller than the pool area it was fairly crowded so getting a seat was a wee bit of a challenge to say the least. All in all not entirely ideal for large group of happily rowdy people, consuming free champagne, being bounced up and down, while dancing and socialising so we decided to leave a little early just in case it turned ugly.
Yep you guessed it, back to the stern!
Tip 4: If you like a hot beverage before bed, make sure you pick one up from one of the bars/lounges on the way your cabin otherwise your're stuffed! No sign of tea or coffee on the room service menu! Food, beer, wine, soft drink, no coffee, yikes!
Determined to limit the walking to 60 kms on Day 2, we slept in a little and had breakfast in The Pantry. This is what has replaced the dreaded smorgesboard, which was a hideous health hazzard and a discraceful waste of food, not that there isn’t still some food wastage, but it’s an improvement.
There are a plethora of options available for breakfast in The Pantry and good bless their little cotton socks, they are open until 11 am. Options for breakfast here are very broad and while you have to secure your own table and then go retrieve your food, the quality is great as is the quantity. Juice, tea and filter coffe is on hand and specialist coffees are just a few metres away.
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Needing to give our digestive systems a little time to recover from the ravages of breakfast (yes, I may have got a little carried away), I staggered in my carb induced coma to the nearest available shaded couch by the pool and promptly dozed off. Nothing to see here, move along…
Did I miss the wine and food pairing? Did I miss the cooking demonstation? Did I miss the chef’s challenge? It was after all a food and wine cruise, I dare say I did, but sometimes you just have to skip these things and relax…
Hey it wasn’t like I was the only one, half the ships passengers were passed out somewhere spread across 14 decks! It’s a short cruise you gotta unwind fast! No pressure!
Thanks for reading...