Do you ever forget how old you are sometimes? I don't think it is possible but yes, I forgot my age! Recently, someone asked me how old I am, and I confidently answered I’m 32, then I paused, oh wait no, I’m 33, sorry. It might have sounded weird to the other person that someone just forgot her age. Later I realized that what I told him was incorrect after doing the simple math 2017-1983, so it turned out that I am already 34. I slowly sink back to reality. It felt like I just woke up, and realized that I was just reading a thick book the whole time. I asked myself, is this nothing but a dream?

It all began when I started traveling 4 years ago, living from one country to another and embracing a nomadic lifestyle. Time just flies. But I certainly wouldn’t forget the number 30, it was probably the momentous time of my life. I was no longer in my 20s, even though people say I look younger than my age. As I traveled, this whole you’re 34! no longer flattered me, people’s reaction became annoying as hell. Not to mention that I got into a lot of trouble for not looking like my age, but who defined this whole how you should look at 20, 30, or 40 anyway? The awkward moment when I was thinking of the right reaction to this common question how come? Then I finally got this answer from a German friend I met who also looked younger and goes through the same ordeal -

I time travel.

When I was traveling, I wasted some of my precious time by getting into arguments and debates with people whom I realized were totally unworthy of my attention, not even a single glance from me. When I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about certain issues, I kind of shocked the supposedly wiser ones and tricked them through my physical appearance and charmy antics that seem like I could only talk about boys, parties, and other 16-year-old matters. Some people look really nice at the beginning, but I learned the hard way that when they get into a heated debate and could not keep up with critical thinking anymore, they would resort to insults, stereotype, and sexism just to end the conversation and keep me under their level. One way to find out people’s true colors I guess. I realized that sometimes, I could get away more with just sarcasm or silent nod. Smile and agree just to save my sanity, especially if I am not talking to the right people.

I surely was late, being in the midst of bored youngsters traveling around the world. Those who couldn’t go out of the hostel without being part of a group. It is true that as you age, you desire to be more alone. I have become more picky with people I want to hang out with. I’d rather sit alone and read a book than go through all the pleasantries and small talks unless people are really interesting. As I get older, I value my few, quality friends more, and I was not into all these meet more and be friends to all. However, I’m still happy to meet new people, but being friends for life would be different.

After realizing my real age, it started to bother me. It means next year I will be 35, then 36… then 40! I couldn’t believe it and here I am still not acting my age. My mind fluctuates from 18 straight to 50 something. My friends told me that the clock is ticking, and I just told them, then let it tick. I still haven’t welcomed adulthood I guess, and I couldn’t even manage my own cat so forget about kids. Someday, I would probably just become a traveling philosopher and a crazy cat lady.

Then I started to accept, age is just a number. It’s not how old I am but how old I feel. The most important thing for me is being able to go through this journey called life, and being thankful that I’ve reached another year on earth, alive and breathing.

It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream. - Edgar Allan Poe