Airports remind us that nothing is permanent. It's a foreign country where everyone leaves, return or not come back anymore. It can be a sad or a happy place, and here we seem to be all equals - travelers. We are going somewhere, somewhere far away. We are leaving or coming home.
The airports remind us that it is easy to just leave, come back or never return. I have this love and relationship with the airports, and it's a surreal feeling. There's no thinking, I have to make choice - should I stay or should I go? Once the airline makes the final call, I have to go.
It seems easy, when you have the money and a good passport, to just go anywhere and soar above the limitless sky, and within 48 hours, you can be where you wanted to be. It is such a relief once you are already on the plane, you paid for that freedom, whether it is your own money, your time in your company or your belongings you have sold. Even if that freedom is forever or momentarily. Everything has been arranged and paid for - single meals, coffee, wine, snacks, movies to watch. A well-deserved flight.
I love the act of leaving, especially if it means going somewhere for another adventure. This is how airports make me feel really good, and it makes me excited. It is the best time of my life. The noticeboard is my life flashing before me, a glimpse of the future.
The airport is my home, a free place to sleep. I'm happy enough to find airports with comfortable benches. But what if it's like the KL airport where I had to sleep on the cold floor? A free space where I could feel a bit safe for the night would be good enough for me. I have to adapt to the changes and embrace discomfort when it arises. That is how I grow and become strong. Home is everywhere.
I am usually on my own in the airport, and that means having all the burden to decide for myself. To look for the check-in, the gates, deal with the immigration, having some of my stuff checked, packed, suddenly getting the required return ticket and all other inconveniences on the spot. It seems that the freedom to be on your own can be such a big responsibility. Such a stress, I see myself wandering around and figuring everything out on my own, and sometimes I feel helpless. I don't really want to be alone dealing with the airport stress for the rest of my life.
Airports seemed to have given me a childhood trauma, an irreparable damage to my heart. Imagine at such a young age, you were waiting for someone you dearly love, to check out the new toys he might have brought for you. To be loved and be in his arms again, only to find out you were just waiting for a dead body. Like something being delivered, cold and empty. I didn't understand what was happening and why I was there waiting. It was quite a shock to deal with the mystery of death. It was really a mystery, the real cause of death. The airport can show you that someone and something so beautiful could no longer return - forever. I don't have to know everything anymore, I learned to embrace the unknown. From then on, I no longer wait.
What do I hate about airports? A perfect place to witness emotional farewells and to even experience it myself. I said goodbye to someone I loved and agreed to meet each other again. That was the last time I saw him. The airport is a place to build your future, but it can also shatter dreams.
Airports can also bruise my ego. I feel sad when I'm leaving people and I feel terrible being left there on my own. Passengers share the same sentiments when flights get delayed, and we all hate that expensive airport food court. We don't know if we will be welcomed in the new country or not. It is an emotional rollercoaster ride. We are all transients here, coming and going, we are all equals. We entrust our lives to the airplanes. What lies ahead, we don't know yet. We can only enjoy our brief moments in the airport.
I was surprised, as always, by how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world was suddenly rich with possibility.
― Jack Kerouac