Steps away, beyond the paywall, wizards of many ages sip their butterbeers. Shrek and the Minions are charming guests while Fiona instructs her chubby hubby to keep his big hands to himself. Megatron, the Mummy, and Krusty’s friends are frightening small children. Stunt people are blowing up things on a WaterWorld set that holds up better than the movie, even after a sea plane crash lands.
And what of Citywalk, Universal Studios’ shopping/eating/entertainment street outside the entrance? Even without a ticket to ride the theme park, Citywalk features some trendy 21st Century attractions, such as the iFly skydiving simulator, the Aquamassage spa, and Voodoo Donuts with its 30-minute line out the door. From Dongpo to Subway to Margaritaville to the dueling piano dance bar, restaurants and happy spots strike a balance for many tastes.
First Oddity
And then there was this comic (a.k.a. toy and souvenir) shop with King Kong hanging out over the street. Walking in, I expected it to be mostly modern merchandise from recent movies, TV, and video games (because that’s what sells). As an independent store, it was able to offer toys and games from non-Universal Studios franchises, such as Disney-owned Star Wars. When you’re surrounded by Universal’s branded knick-knack stores, in an environment where the force is strong for knick-knacks, highlighting other studios’ movies and characters may be a wise marketing niche.
So I was looking at the BB-8 Lego sets and the Rey light saber flashlights when the Clearance section at the end of a shelf caught my attention. Rick Moranis stopped me dead in my tracks.
OMG. You have got to be kidding! The Clearance section had a row of large boxes with Rick Moranis’ bespectacled face staring back at me. Honey, I found a shrunken star. He hasn’t been in a live movie since 1997.
And what action figure was this? Louis Tully from Ghostbusters! I believe that movie came out in 1984 with an ill-advised sequel in 1987. There was an all-female reboot a few years ago. Rick Moranis wasn’t in it.
A genuine Louis Tully action figure! Not just one, but several of them. Had they been sitting on this “Clearance” shelf in the comic store for the last 30 years? Don’t get me wrong; I grew up back then and I loved Ghostbusters. But even if I’m the closest thing to a Ghostbusters demographic, I ain’t gonna spend… over $40? … on a Louis Tully action figure doll.
Unless, unless…unless it’s a classic collector’s item. Maybe these Moranis dolls are rare (whips out smartphone to check eBay). And eBay has…the same Louis Tully action figure, but only two of them for sale. Aha! This is looking rare and highly collectible. They can’t still be making these things, so supply is squeezed tighter than demand. Perhaps it’s worth a lot more. Maybe I can buy one, hold onto it, and re-sell it for $100 in a couple of years? How can they say I’m past my prime?
I needed my glasses to excitedly check the asking price for the two eBay items. One was $25 and the other on sale for $13. Oh well. So much for a collector’s item. They must have made way too many of these things and now they’re trying to unload them to dumb wannabe collectors. Evidently, no one wants them 30 years later. Which raises the question why a bustling store with limited shelf space and a very expensive lease is selling them here at Universal Studios. That was close; I almost got slimed. (Shakes head, closes phone and walks through another aisle in search of a more despicable master.)
Second Oddity
Up next, the kids wanted dinner. We tried a couple of places with lines and ended up at the good old Hard Rock Café. Love all, serve all. There was a 20 minute wait for seating, so we dropped into a plush sofa near the plastic wall menu. No time wasted if we could read the menu outside.
Wait, what the heck happened to that menu? Someone censored it with a Sharpie! Once upon a time, it appears that there were eight starters. Three were lined out on the plastic wall menu, which left only five. A mystery salad and a mystery burger, lined out and eliminated also. The entree situation was worse: two down and only three entrees remaining. Sinking like a yellow submarine.
What kind of a restaurant has only three entrees? Are they downsizing? Did they order some bad chicken today and need emergency Sharpie surgery? Or did they cut out the underperforming items permanently and not yet get around to adding new ones? Maybe the cauliflower burger and cauliflower ‘wings’ are doing well enough that a whole new cauliflower-encrusted menu is on the way.
After a long day and looking at the lines at other places, we shrugged our shoulders. Whatever. Grateful for a hot meal. Speaking of grateful, once we got inside we saw a Bob Weir guitar, Jerry Garcia montage, and Grateful Dead crossword puzzle just above our table. Beatles gold records nearby. Guitars from John Lee Hooker and Stone Temple Pilots. A kitchsy museum passing itself off as a destination restaurant. And a wise reminder that one doesn’t come to Hard Rock café for the food. As long as they have glamour outfits from Sonny and Cher, plus two-thirds of a menu, it works. We can survive even a touch of grey.
Third Oddity
After dinner, my wife wanted a donut from this place called Voodoo. She doesn’t eat donuts, but since Voodoo is hot on social media, she had to try one and the kids were happy to join in. Out front, this Voodoo place had a giant chocolate gingerbread man being stabbed by a pretzel stick. This place wasn’t just playing lip service to its voodoo heritage. Seeing a long line, but no Sugar Magnolias or Grapefruit-Juicy Fruit on the menu, I asked the family to order me something plain and I went for a walk around Citywalk.
Not long thereafter, I stopped in my tracks again when I saw the Raider outlet. Boom boom, another flashback. I snapped a picture, expecting Todd Marijuanavich to charge out in an LA Raiders uniform. Or maybe Rick Moranis. Granted, NFL football has had a tortured history here in the City of Angels, but…the Raiders? What about the LA Rams and LA Chargers, the city’s two pro football teams, both of which are playing now in the area?
For a little more than a decade, from 1982-1994, the Raiders played in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Prior to that 12 year period and again from 1995-now, the Raiders have been known as the Oakland Raiders because they have been based 370 miles north of Los Angeles. Five hours away and they’re still making ripples in still water.
The Raiders haven’t played in LA for 23 years. And yet, here is a store in LA that sells Raider stuff. I know the Raiders have an iconic image and the fans travel well (they’d better, since their team has committed to a new home in Las Vegas as soon as a new stadium is built there). Yet Universal Citywalk’s rent must be sky-high and it seemed an odd place for an anachronistic store. It almost looked like the sign over the helmet was written on paper. Cue the overhead; the ghost of Al Davis might call a press conference to proclaim the team’s eternal greatness.
Fourth Oddity (Sort of)
Next, I circled back towards the donut place, encountering some unfinished business on the way. Christmas was still in boxes. A tree was up, but it wasn’t lit after dark. The area was cordoned off, packing material stacked on the ground. The sign beneath a Minion-sized crane read “Pardon Our Stardust.” Ha ha. Stardust, get it? Hollywood. Stars. With dust. Man, these people are funny.
I did pardon them. After all, it was only November. Tree lighting wouldn’t come for a few more days yet. And no great holiday display was built in a day.
Penny Lane
As I bit into a peanut butter donut covered with crushed Oreos (“Didn’t I ask for something simple?” “Yes, Dad, but we wanted to try it.” “Ah, that’s why it’s half-eaten.”), I reflected. For the most part, Citywalk holds up pretty well. And maybe people like me are part of the demographic here, since some rides and attractions at Universal Studios Hollywood are thrill-oriented and not really built for little kids.
Some people think I’m too intellectual, but pondering the world is a fabulous way to spend your spare time. Darnit, I remember when the Raiders played in Los Angeles, when Louis Tully was zapping slimy ghosts, when restaurants didn’t have mile-long menus, when the Grateful Dead were grey but still selling out shows, and when the Christmas season started in December, not October or November. Perhaps this place is trying to appeal to people like me, who don’t care to skydive in a zootsuit over a high wattage fan or be massaged by a Ziploc bag full of water.
From that perspective, Universal Citywalk holds up pretty well. If not for the wife and kids, I would boogie anyhow and may have headed straight for the smell of shrimp dip at Margaritaville. But if not for the wife and kids, this place wouldn’t have been on my list, and I would have missed these wrinkles in time. Come Monday, when I see the credit card bill, I’ll remember it as a long strange trip.
All photos are by the author. If you haven't eaten yet, I'm sorry to ruin your appetite, but here's the half eaten peanut butter Oreo donut.
