The last weeks before beginning my journey were very conflictive. My mind and emotions were stirred, the battle between the part of me that wanted to stay and the one who wanted to travel was at the peak of it's tension.
I would pack my things everyday and get ready to leave, only to find one more excuse to stay, one more strategy I could find to make things more bearable.
On a frosty day, i built a viking-like firepit, you know, a large rectangle of stones. I started burning big logs that fit in there and found myself to be pleasantly warm, even sweating. I thought: "hey this is good, i can have a nice winter this way...". I decided to dedicate myself to cutting as much wood as possible but two things happened: my saw got stuck and i couldn't pull it out, and while trying to get into the log with the axe, the handle broke as well.
I got so pissed i threw my handaxe at the log and it hit the saw that was stuck, breaking it. I knew the i just had to leave. Life itself was saying so. What was the point of trying so hard, of a life that presented more obtacles than rewards? My main attachment was to the cats that lived with me, it was what broke my heart the most to leave behind. But I had raised them to be independent and i knew they would be ok.
Another attempt to leave came and failed. I was leaving angry, cursing everything... The house, the forest, life. I got to walk about 200 mts and the kittens appeared. I started crying and went back to he house, unable to do anything about anything.
The next day i woke up refreshed and was able to leave in gratitude, acknowledging all the beautiful experiences that place had given me, all the safety and silence i had enjoyed, all the freedom to create and do things at my pace. And that clean water from the stream, which i knew i might not count with during my travels.
I left with a stream of tears flowing from my eyes, but this time more convinced than ever that i was making the right decision. I needed to grow, to evolve beyond what i knew about the world and myself. Maybe one day i would return, but not until i had changed and acquired new tools, a new perspective.
As soon as i got off the car that took me to Coyhaique, my phone fell and the screen broke to an unusable state, so I traveled all the way to Paraguay without my phone, which means that i have no photos of that part of the trip. I took it gladly as a detox and enjoyed being more present in the physical world.
i met with my mother, who drove me to a bus stop outside town. During the ride i complained that i didn't really want to travel, that i wanted to just teleport to a warm place. Now I don't think the same way. It has been great to travel, i have met so may awesome people and lived a lot of adventures. Even got arrested, lol. But I'll need more posts to tell you about these experiences.