Following on from releasing sneak peak chapters of my upcoming book, here is the chapter about homeschooling.
Chapter 6 Education, Homeschooling, World Schooling, Unschooling, Edventuring.
"I believe this passionately: that we don't grow into creativity, we grow out of it. Or rather, we get educated out if it.
- Sir Ken Robinson."
“Our schools should be the same—environments for safe experimentation, viewing failure as an opportunity for learning rather than a mark of shame.”
- Salman Khan.
"There is no such thing as bad student, only bad teacher."
- M.r Miyagi.
Finally we got to the front of the queue, it had been another long relocation day. It was mid afternoon and we had stopped by a supermarket to stock up on supplies. The kids were restless and bored, just like all kids in a supermarket, Clair and I were tired we just wanted to pack up and pay for the shopping then get on to our new home for the next few weeks.
The check out lady said goodbye to the customer in front of us and turned her attention to us and duly started processing our shopping.
Bleep.
Bleep.
Bleep.
The items moved expertly across the infra red beam totting up the price as it scuttled down the silver slide waiting for collection at the end.
The checkout lady glanced at Clair and I, then at the kids, then back at us. She pursed her lips, raised an eyebrow, put a slightly condescending tone in her voice and then unleashed the bombshell we had started to get used to….
“School holiday today?”
Oh no, not now.
“Ha, no, we are visiting the area.”
“School holiday where you come from then?”
Shit, she wasn’t going to let this lie.
“Er, no, well, we don’t really live anywhere right now, we are travelling.”
“Oh. Well, what about the kid’s school and their education?”
“We home school as we travel.”
“Is that allowed?”
“Yes, in fact it is encouraged in many parts of the world and by many forward thinking educators.”
“But why do you homeschool?”
That look of shock, sorrow, disbelief, outrage, judgement.
She pressed on, searching her own thoughts for answers.
“Were your children bullied?”
“No, (sigh) we decided to take them out of school and travel the world for as far, wide and as long as we possibly could. We wanted to do as much together as a young family as possible and now was the right time for us.”
This did little to appease her, in fact she moved to the next level of accusatory interrogation.
“Is that not going to damage their education?”
Jeeeeeez!
“No we don’t think so. All of us have already learnt so much as we have travelled. I’s been an amazing journey and we feel a much deeper connection to each other and people we meet.”
“But what about the children, how do they socialise, they will never be able to fit back in.”
OH GOD!
She asked the socialising question!
So here we were, on trial by the checkout lady at the local supermarket.
AGAIN!
Luckily we had become a little numb to the interrogation from complete strangers and actually revelled in some of these confrontations as people unwittingly went through pretty much the exact same form of questioning.
The absolute favourite question, or for want of a better word, accusation, was that of socialising. It was widely assumed, not to mention highly criticised that we were damaging our kid’s social skills by not exposing them be with children their own age.
Don’t just take my word for it. If you do a quick google search for “homeschooling” I guarantee you the top 5 hits will be focused on the lack of ‘socialising skills.’
Every travelling family we have ever met have cited the same phenomenon. Instant judgement by complete strangers regarding your parental skills and the fact that you are clearly damaging your children by not allowing them to ‘socialise’.
Ok.
Fine.
Let’s debunk this myth once and for all.
It’s bullshit.
In fact the complete and utter opposite is true in almost every case of homeschooled children. During our travels we have come into contact with many homeschooled kids and have found them to be the most engaging, confident, easy going, pleasant young people we have ever met. They have this air of confidence that you just don’t usually find in children. They are at instant ease with their surroundings and are able to mingle with anyone in a sensible, engaging and fun way.
They find it second nature to engage with any human being of any race, colour, culture, nationality, religion, sex, age, height, weight, whatever.
Anyone!
Who wouldn’t want that from their kids?
Imagine a world where this tolerance, acceptance and ability to connect was evident in all of us!
It’s not boastful of me to say that we have been inundated with praise from people who have met our children and we naturally feel a huge sense of pride when people tell us….
“Your kids really are amazing!”
It makes all the stress and sleepless nights we had when making the decision melt away.
Before we move on I want to make a pertinent point about parenting. Don’t for one second think I am trying to paint a picture of ‘butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths”.
Hells no.
We of course have our moments, struggles, stresses, worries and challenges just like every parent does.
We worry hugely about spelling, math, unacceptable behaviour, lack of confidence, connectivity, being driven to the brink of sanity and everything else that in-between goes with raising a family.
What is rather perplexing to us is that we now have to defend all of that. Whereas before, when we were conventionally schooling our children we didn’t. We were part of the Status Quo then and deemed ‘ok’ by society at large. Yet many children in this group are far from perfect in any way shape or form but avoid judgement, confrontation or justification for their actions.
Sadly I think it will always be a case of people judging us by our initial decision, rather than by the results. Which is a huge shame because the results have been nothing short of spectacular and something we truly wish everybody could experience.
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
- Mark Twain
Let’s delve a little deeper into this issue of socialisation.
It is honestly the biggest stigma around the subject of homeschooling that we and many other homeschoolers encounter.
By looking at the definition of the word socialise or socialize (that’s a whole other argument) online you get the following definitions.
Verb.
Mix socially with others.
Make someone behave in a way that is acceptable to their society.
What definition then are people commonly referring to?
Personally I believe most are generalising and opting for definition 1, so let’s look at that definition first.
Mix socially with others.
Most people believe that by not going to school our kids are missing out by not mixing socially with their peers.
Seriously?
During our travels we met new people every day. On the beach, in a playground, at an ice rink, in the street, on the train or bus, on a plane, in a restaurant and 100’s of other places. And guess what, we talked to them, we ‘socialised’. Our kids played with their kids, of any age!
It’s not like we were sitting inside all day starving them of outside interaction, of course not, what total nonsense!
Even traditionally homeschooled children who stay at home in one place still have a huge friend base. They meet people at sports, dance, karate, swimming or whatever clubs and interests drive them out into the big scary world of being social.
One could actually argue quite strongly on the flip side of the debate and point to the fact that school is actually anything but ‘social’.
How can you call it being ‘social’ when you are thrust into a classroom with 30 other people and told to sit down, shut up, open your books, do as I do and speak only when spoken to!
Recreation times could barely be called social either. The bulk of this time is generally spent avoiding the people you don’t want to see rather than engaging with as many people as possible in conversation. Barely 2 weeks into your school life you are niched, packaged, stamped and processed into a subset clique of which you will NEVER be able to escape. Furthermore you aren’t even ever allowed to approach other groups perceived to be above or below your station!
How is that being social?
It’s the polar opposite!
That can only be described as ANTI social.
Ok, so with rant number over let’s look at the second definition.
- Make someone behave in a way that is acceptable to their society.
Stand up together, sit down together, wear the same clothes together, look the same together, sit at the same desk every day together, don’t question authority ever, move when the bell goes together, don’t run, don’t jump, don’t play tag, work hard, work harder rinse and repeat.
Sound familiar?
This is what is acceptable in society and this is what will be accepted in your 9-5 work existence when you leave school.
This is what we are ultimately teaching children.
Is this the ‘socialisation’ we have cruelly taken away from our children for a few years? If so then great!
We grew up in that system, it’s broken and it needs changing.
“Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion has no hold on the mind. Therefore do not use compulsion, but let early education be a sort of amusement; you will then be better able to discover the child's natural bent.”
- Plato.
No.
You cannot convince me that homeschooling damages your child’s ability to socialise.
Here is another salient point on this debate.
Isn’t it amazing that the people who denounce homeschooling are the people who have never homeschooled!
What then gives them the actionable knowledge to make such sweeping assumptions about your child and your parenting abilities, choices, options or decisions?
When you have the masses on your side, it’s easy to criticise those who stand just slightly away from the crowd. This has always been the same throughout human existence be it racially, sexually, artistically, politically and so on.
As of today the vast majority of children are conventionally educated and the parents feel that they have done exactly as they needed to make certain their kids get the best education possible and have likely made their own sacrifices and life choices to suit that particular child’s need.
That is excellent, it’s what parenting is all about, but I bet some parents reading this book are still criticised for choosing a particular area, or a particular school over another, regardless of your reasoning.
Please note that we have actually lived on both sides of this coin and can talk with a clear and balanced perspective about this subject. We have schooled our children across Montessori, Public and Private schooling institutions. It was our choice and decision to make a change, to action a plan and to take matters into our own hands for a while. Homeschooling, worldschooling, online schooling, call it what you will, is still schooling, individuals are still learning.
I am of the absolute conviction that there is a place for all of the above methods of tuition, yet there is no perfect one. Every person is different, every school is different, every teacher is different and every situation is different.
The underlying issue is this.
We collectively forget that we have a choice. We all have the power to change something if it’s not working or suiting our child’s needs.
What ultimately stands in our way of creating our own happiness is the conventional thinking of the masses. The so called wisdom of our peers and elders. It is almost utterly crippling and makes us fear stepping out of line and being perceived as doing something weird or irresponsible.
This fear keeps us in the same line with the rest of society.
‘Socialised.’
“I never teach my pupils, I only provide the conditions in which they can learn.”
- Albert Einstein.
It is obviously a hard decision to make when it comes to your child’s education, naturally we all want the absolute best for them. All I can offer as advice is please don’t get caught up in nonsense arguments such as hurting you child’s ability to socialise. Or worse, listen to advice from people who have never actually homeschooled or educated their children alternatively in any way before, they offer you zero value. Zero.
Since we have been on both sides of the coin and been through the education system ourselves we feel we have a more rounded picture and can look at it now with much clearer minds and it all still seems to boil down to the following formula and this ethos of sit down, shut up, open your books and listen to what I tell you. Do as I say not as I do and If you can’t keep up with the other 30 kids around you, you will get bumped down a group, you aren’t good enough, not clever enough, not bright enough.
At the age of 15 Everything that we are about to become, all our hopes and dreams of college, university, nice paying job, car, house with a big garden is pinned on 150 of us crammed into a sweltering gym hall.
You then sit upon the most uncomfortable chairs in the world at ancient desks that have been located in the depths of some forbidden basement and dusted off by the school janitors.
We all sit, scared stiff in utter silence.
All you can hear is the tick tock of the clock and the footsteps of the patrolling teacher that has blasted you for 5 years who you just can’t stand. The snivels and coughs of the 10 people with colds drive you crazy, piercing your attention span.
The sound of pure freedom is a tantalising prospect as you catch the screams and shrills of the lower grades playing tag in the playground just one bricks width away.
It’s amazing any of us graduate with anything at all!
“The tragedy is that society (your school, your boss, your government, your family) keeps drumming the genius part out. The problem is that our culture has engaged in a Faustian bargain, in which we trade our genius and artistry for apparent stability.”
- Seth Godin.
Whilst writing this book I looked back on a blog update I wrote about education and homeschooling. It still resonates with me to this day and I wanted to share it here again as it just further cements the point I am trying to convey about our role in our children’s education.
We have been travelling now for 2 years since originally writing this tab in the blog, which seems to have whizzed by! Of course, the heaviest baggage that we carry around with us from port to port is the worry of our kid’s education. No matter what we tell ourselves, or how much we have seen the kids engaged in their surroundings having fun and learning at the same time. The nagging doubt over this subject and of social pressure/compliance or whatever you want to label it, is a constant drag on our parental subconscious. We have to constantly remind ourselves of the reasons that compelled us to take this trip in the first place, but sometimes the reasons are offered up on a platter!
For example. Whilst sitting in on a rainy day in Switzerland helping Sophia with some English problems we came across this little gem in the English activity book that we had kept from her school to travel with.
(The task was to choose a fitting word with which to fill in the blank and spell it correctly.)
Spelling 1.
- That is such an _____________ elephant. It must have weigh tons of kilogram.
Laughable at best. Disgraceful of course. But pause and think about this. Think about how she would have HAD to have filled in this blank. With something, anything, because leaving it blank would have resulted in the dreaded red cross, crippling her confidence and self motivation. It's 'anti teaching’.
As final thoughts and parting paragraph in what might feel like a rant of a chapter I would like to say this to anybody reading.
Please do not think for one minute that taking your children out of school to travel short or long term will ever hold them back in their education or life. It will do the opposite. They will flourish. I have seen it with my own kids and with many other travelling children. In many cases returning children start achieving grades far higher than they ever had before and shine a light far brighter than they could ever have thought possible.
At time of writing we have been living in France for a few months and the children have attended the local schools. Our oldest daughter is 11 so she is in the equivalent of a secondary or high school. After her first 6 weeks her test result have come back above average! She didn’t go to any school for almost 3 years and now goes to a school where she can’t even speak the language, but yet scores above average and ahead of many of the traditionally schooled children.
Coincidence?
We don’t think so.
“I never teach my pupils, I only provide the conditions in which they can learn.”
- Albert Einstein.
Tools and tricks.
www.khanacademy.org Is the best online teaching tool we have ever used for multiple subjects in one place. It includes Science, Math, Grammar, Coding, History and much more.
www.noredink.com is an excellent website for learning grammar.
www.sumdog.com Is great for teaching basic math to young kids.
Squeebles is an app for teaching kids Multiplication tables.
www.code.org For learning how to code.
Language learning apps include
Duolingo
Memrise
Reverso
http://princesoffthegrid.weebly.com/homeschooling.html The link to our homeschooling tab which includes many TED talks and other inspiring videos about education from speakers such as Sir Ken Robinson, Sal Khan and Seth Godin.
Watch me eat fried insects in a Thai market for a world school project.