Not long after my 40th birthday I took my first ever two-week, totally off-the-grid vacation and went on a trip of a lifetime to South Africa and Zambia. When I told my boss at the time that I would be gone for two weeks and that I would not be checking email nor be accessible, he irately replied “I’ve been to Africa and they have the internet!”
It was a major act of rebellion on my part to disregard his disapproval and really unplug. You’d think that I was a pediatric surgeon from the way I was constantly on my email and phone, always accessible and “on call” but in reality I was just a media executive in charge of a bunch of producers, hosts and partners, none of whom needed me for medical, life-saving attention. But corporate culture can make you feel like a life is on the line and you must be available 24/7. We love to inflate the sense of importance and urgency of our jobs because it somehow justifies the time, energy and cost we pay to keep up the pace.
It was on this trip to the majestic South Luanga National Park in Zambia on an early morning drive where we silently witnessed a herd of elephants bathing in the river, playfully watching out for their young ones and moving together in their slow but deliberate ascent up the river bank that I felt a serenity and clarity that I had never experienced. I felt a connection to these elephants, to nature and my surroundings in a way that felt opposite to the disconnection I consistently felt in midtown Manhattan. It was the quietest place I’ve ever been and yet the message could not have been louder or clearer: Life is short. Go and live it. Don’t wait. I'm pretty sure it's what Oprah refers to as an "Ah-ha Moment".
It took a couple of years to save the money, figure out an exit plan that felt like I wasn’t abandoning my team and my family as I like so many women feel a responsibility to take care of everyone else first. But I did it. Exactly one year ago, I quit my “big” media executive job, gave up my apartment in Chelsea, moved my stuff into storage and began the journey of my solo travel adventure around the world aka “My Year of Joy”.
Many called this my Eat Pray Love trip, in homage to Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir about how her personal crisis led to world travel and finding love. The book gave name to a movement that encouraged women to embark on their own hero’s journey. To be compared to Gilbert in any way is more than flattering, but I felt like my trip was different. I wasn’t escaping tragedy like divorce or death (although I suffered devastating losses of loved ones before leaving). My motivation for change was driven by a desire to reconnect to that feeling I had in Africa. Is it possible to experience joy and satisfaction that wasn’t connected to career goals or trying to make other’s happy? I searched for that feeling I had in Africa when my heart opened in ways that I didn’t know was possible and for the first time in my life, that feeling of openness and vulnerability did not completely freak me out.
I spend the majority of my travel time alone, which as a natural introvert, suits me very well. Many people, including some of my friends, are surprised when I reveal myself as an introvert. They’re used to seeing me in extroverted situations such as at work or around close friends, but all of that takes so much energy. The truth is that as a Korean immigrant whose mom married an American Navy man, we were always moving and throughout my entire youth, I was the new girl. I was most comfortable alone. So traveling alone didn’t intimidate me and I wasn’t afraid of loneliness or solitude.
I left the US on July 5th and I started this great adventure in Iceland. I spent an unbelievable summer traveling through 13 countries in Europe from Stockholm to Sarajevo, which was followed by a month in India, Sri Lanka and the next four months exploring Southeast Asia visiting Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Myanmar and then Bali.
I signed up for a yoga and meditation retreat in Ubud because I have practiced on and off for years and it’s my favorite exercise. So my main priority during this week long retreat was to get some good downward dog in and stretch my travel-fatigued, stiff body. I spent a week at Blooming Lotus Yoga where the shala was straight out of a yoga magazine, open air facing the jungle, with khaki colored mats arranged in a perfect semi circle. There were about 20 women of all ages from all over the world in our yoga gear (my yoga clothes are also my hiking and walking clothes, as well as my pajamas).
The young and radiant yoga instructors looked like angels dressed in all-white and made extended eye contact with each of us. Both teachers (they taught separately but had the same message) declared in soft whispery voices “We love you guys so much” and asked us to introduce ourselves.
Ummmmm… ‘we love you guys so much’? I wanted to get up right then and there and politely but firmly let them know that I have to go. This is not my jam. I mean, I’m Korean. My mom and I didn’t exchange regular ‘I love you’s’ until I was like 30. Our culture isn’t exactly famous for emotional expression unless you count inflicting guilt. But I convinced myself to stay because I really did need the stretch.
We all shared our expectations and motivations as to what brought us here and despite our varied ages, races, countries and backgrounds, there were so many commonalities. Many were here to find peace, to heal, to mediate, and to do something for themselves for the first time. So I felt a bit guilty when it was my turn to speak because I have been spending the past nine months doing nothing but doing good for myself and I was really here for the physical stuff not the touchy/feely part. I told the women about my travels and discovered a few others were also traveling long term.
However, the more I revealed about myself and my experiences on this trip, and the more they shared their personal stories, the more I began to feel a connection to these women. My wall of emotional detachment was crumbling thanks to their genuine warmth, encouragement and constant compliments about my courage, humor and candid personality.
It was during this time that I realized just how much I missed my friends. For as much as emotional expression was an adapted skill with my family, it was different with my friends. I am incredibly fortunate to be a part of a tribe of some of the smartest, funniest, sharpest, kindest, and most supportive tribe of friends. I did not realize how much I needed to feel connected to my people. I mistook my introversion and independence as the dominant aspects of my personality, but the truth was that I also needed to feel the intangible but powerful connection to my friends and family. So it was therapeutic to form fast friendships and connections with the women from the yoga retreat. It was such a safe, supportive environment and it was kind of like adult summer camp. We shared stories about our families, careers, heartbreaks, travel, fears, and aspirations.
When one of my new friends told me she was going to see a Balinese healer, I asked if I could join her. That’s one of my favorite things about travel, the opportunity for spontaneous, unique cultural experiences. It turns out we were going to Nyoman, who happened to be the son of Ketut, the Balinese healer made internationally famous by Eat Pray Love, the movie and the film. Three of us went to see Nyoman together, Ashly a young beautiful and funny woman from California and Cathy a gorgeous Canadian who perpetuates the stereotype that all people from Canada are the nicest on Earth. We were excited to speak with Nyoman and were pretty much on the same page in terms of seeing the experience as something that would be fun and unique but not necessarily life changing.
Nyoman did not disappoint. He was exceptionally optimistic, a smile never left his face as we sat across from each other. The session included a brief introductory chat, but most of it centered around a palm reading and prediction of your future. The reading didn’t last long, but you do not need too much time as he can be a little challenging to understand and you are sitting on the floor with legs folded so if your feet start to fall asleep, it probably means it’s time to end.
Nyoman made a series of very positive and happy predictions of my future involving a loving husband, more travel, healthy long life and a couple of kids (I didn't have the heart to tell him that's probably not in my future). However, I found the most interesting prediction was about my career. He asked if I have ever been a singer. I laughed and replied only if I’m in the car or singing (drunk) karaoke. He responded “You should be singer. Or something with your voice. When you sing or talk, people want to listen. You very funny and charming. They want to know what you say.” I responded with my usual sarcasm (which rarely translates to other languages) that perhaps I could be the next K-pop (Korean Pop) star even though I have a terrible singing voice. Then I gave a more thoughtful reply, “well, I have always liked writing. Maybe my voice means writing?” He looked straight into my eyes, held my hands and said, “Yes! Write. Be happy; don’t be sad. Sad is bad. Be happy.” And the two of us giggled to seal the moment, I thanked him and left.
When we wrapped up our week of yoga and meditation, I was overcome with gratitude and positivity. I could see from our small group circle that everyone's faces were more radiant, relaxed and positive. During our final group circle, we shared our reflections from the week and how we wanted to carry this time forward. And when it was my turn, my sarcasm and emotional awkwardness were no longer present as I looked at these remarkable and generous women and declared “I love you guys”. I admitted that more than a good stretch, what I really needed was this chance to connect with these wonderful women, some of whom I know will be life-long friends. They made me feel closer to my family and my tribe who were on the other side of the world.
As I drove away from Blooming Lotus, I could feel Nyoman’s words reverberating through me. And so I am writing, and not just in my private journals, which I’ve done since I was five. I am sharing my voice. And who knows, perhaps my stories will lead to a hit song that I will debut as an international phenomenon as a middle-aged Kpop star. Or perhaps I will live up to Nyoman’s predictions to just Be Happy.
So the next time you have your own Ah-ha Moment and that voice beckons you to make a change in your life that seems completely counter to how you currently live, don't tune it out. Listen, explore and if you can, shift. If I've learned anything in this past nine months, it's that one small change begets another that then leads to greater change and before you know it, you're a completely different but amazing version of yourself.
For more stories from my time around the world, check out my blog http://whereintheworldissandy.com and follow me on IG 