Even before, I have always been a short tempered person. But with the right environment and people around me, things were handled perfectly and it never went down on an ugly road.
Back in college, I thought I met the worst people I could ever meet in my life. But as soon as I stepped out of my perfect little life in college, things changed. It was never what I expected.
I got my first job located in Ortigas, Mandaluyong. For privacy and security’s sake I’ll have to skip mentioning the first company who gave me a job in the real world. But yes, it was a BPO company. As I moved to live in Manila, I brought with me the humblest attitude from a cold and peaceful city of Baguio. Or in other words, I had the most innocent heart of all angels in heaven, or at least I think I had. Nevertheless, I never thought it’ll be the very reason of my weakness soon enough.
As I tried fitting in in the city life, I've crossed path to countless people with different personalities I've never encountered before. Honestly, most of them caught me off guard. I met people who made made-up stories about me, cheated on me, played with my feelings, stabbed me on the back, hated me for whatever made-up stories they heard from other people, and the continuous spreading of unacceptable rumors.
I went through all of it in a span of 4 months. Despite everything that has happened, I continued with my humblest personality and never even tried to retaliate about it.. I chose to stay calm and quiet and did nothing. But people never stopped, and I think it made them feel better making me feel bad about myself.
I never thought that this "humble attitude" will be the very reason why people continued hurting me. It's because I'm weak, I forgive a lot, and I move on and forget. It took me 2 years to realize that people will step on you, hurt you, and make you feel bad about yourself because they know you'll never fight back.
But as time passes by, things are slowly changing. Every little thing about me is slowly changing too..
I'm not sure of what happened to me or what exact circumstance that triggered everything, but maybe, I just decided to be blunt about my feelings and to never let anyone step on me ever again. I started fighting for myself. I started keeping my circle of friends small and to trust only those inside the circle.
Now, I speak whatever my mind say. Never caring what trouble I might get into, as long as I know I'm right, I'll be the most transparent person in whatever situation you come across with me. I'll tell you straight in the face that what you're doing is wrong and that you're hurting me. No more keeping my mouth shut, no more hiding.
Whatever happened to me, I think I'm most likely glad about it. I've never been this strong person than I am before. I've never tried standing up for myself, I've never even tried standing up for somebody until now.
Today, I am confident. Bishes will still try to knock me down but girl, I'm the momma bish you don't want to mess around with. My attitude depends on how people treat me. I can get as sweet as a charming kid, but I can also be the bish you don't want to cross paths with. Yeap, I double.
