Because I am human, there are moments in my life where one feels a certain void. Others may call it SAD (seasonal affective disorder) with the impending winter while few others like me call it self reflection.
I don't have the knowledge or the experience to vouch they mean they same but the point I'm trying to make is just because you feel there is lacking one needs to see a shrek. Everybody can feel empty even amidst friends, family, and a joyful crowd.
If my memory serves me right,many saints in the Catholic faith found their calling that way while few others had an A-ha moment that could change their destiny. For me it was just a cheap escape to be with myself away from the whispers of others. When you are living abroad and without your own home, you'd understand the necessity to create your own space when you finds them.
Back home I was told that in Canada I'll see more lakes than ocean so when I chanced to see this place online I brave the cold windy temperature to see it with my own eyes.
Indeed it was beautiful. One can see the full colors of trees and the beach on a weekday was quiet hence always a great place to sort through the range of emotions in my head.
The chilly wind brushing your skin and somehow making a tingling sensation to your bones despite your overlapping garments and furry jackets somehow numbs the ache to be with loved ones you've left in your home country.
As I strolled through its wooden path and beam with joy at the beautiful leaves I kept telling myself that this journey is a necessity for me to be a better person resilient realist but compassionate just the same.
As I gazed at the gritty sand I remember the many wonderful memories of friends and loved ones I had oceans away where they're saltier, bluer ,warmer and richer in biodiversity though not as well maintained. It's true what they say, only when you sojourned beyond your nations territory will you appreciate it more.
Back home these cabbages where eaten whilst here they're pretty plant ornaments .In Philippines ,Halloween was fun goofing around with friends while in this north country I was secretly envying the warmth happy couples with our without hyperactive kids brings.
I miss my friends and their silly jokes and even their occasional dramas. I wanted to hear them cheering on me when I begone doubting myself. Yes, it wasn't the scary costumes that give me goosebumps but the idea that I needed people to live a happier life.
Being single and childless for so long I had always believed that God's love enough for me but here I was feeling lonely amidst the shrill of excited children on their rides and boisterous laughters among peer.I understood then and there why the cliche saying "no man is an island " or "money can't buy happiness ".In rich country as this suicide is as common as in the Third World.
The sad truth is we alll need other people no matter how self sufficient we are. It doesn't make us into a wimp or pathetic. And just because you acknowledged this feeling exist doesn't make you a psycho or depressed either. It's just a simple self affirmation that you had enjoyed the great company of family and friends to notice their literal absence.
People hate goodbyes and abhor death as much as possible. But simmering on this phobia thoughts that Friday morning I am came to the conclusion that it's not the absolute thing to shake my knees for. Rather it's the inability to love fiercely ,live passionately and forgive endlessly.
Many had walked through their life span like zombies -deadening what made them humans with their invisible walls. Yes it's a cruel evil world we live in but look around it's one bursting with excitement and endless possibilities as well. Maybe it's the reason why is like Halloween devoid of its Catholic importance. Once in a year, one can be a superhero, princess, vampire, alien ,cadaver mascot and still be liked. The imperfections are even exaggerated .
In the society we are in much of our supposed value are pegged on material accumulation, fame, popularity and power which are as perishable as our body .
Unmindful of finite time , we never utter apologies or spoke of endearment to the soul that yearns it on hopes of better opportunities ahead. We kept betting that by not acting on our decision we solve it by defacto but lost out on countless opportunities had one been braver despite the obstacles ahead. As I made my way that day, I promised myself that if I can't be completely be honest with others I should at least be truthful to myself as the sage has long advised. That in this game of life, I need to continue hoping of brighter days ahead amidst the drawbacks and to be kind even to those who aren't towards me. It's emotionally exhausting I know but better that than not know there difference between love, hate and apathy.
Yes I'll have to challenge myself to keep a happy face and grateful heart even when I'm blue on the idea that being sad or pessimistic will not bring me benefit .Ill have to be comfortable with people giving me untruths and false expectations. Yet wise enough to walk away when all had been exhausted to save the relationship.
Hence I end with the blockbuster movie theme song from Frozen on my head. It's creepy to be alone in a billion of people .Savour those moments to know more about what you are and what you want. But don't stay away too long because this magnificent world was never meant to be travelled solo .
So do train yourself to see through the flaws and first impressions and the need to be right alll the time as relationship experts suggest. Because once we take our egos and prejudice aside we will come to hypothesis that irregardless of sex, race,age and creed we all are just humans after all in need of socialization
