It was a time in my life where I went out for dinner and drinks most nights.
I was always safe but got arrested a couple of times within a few Summer months in the rich suburbs of Seattle, WA where the police are known locally to pull over more people than anywhere in Washington.
I was waiting on the court date and just being a bachelor when I decided to get a pedicure. The woman who was doing it had braces on her teeth. And I picked up a magazine that talked about Lil' Wayne preparing for jail and being in jail. I remember he was caught with headphones on past curfew.
I got to thinking about my stupid case when I remembered one thing Lil Wayne had to do before jail was take off his diamond studded braces. I also realized I had a 2 in 5 chance I would be in county jail for near 3 months or more.
Are you allowed to have orthodontics that need to be adjusted frequently, in jail, for months? Probably not.
What sort of judge would sentence a nice nerd face like me to months of jail, especially a nerd face, brace face?
Forget what I said to the police officer. I didn't t mean it. Does the judge read the police reports? I still have no idea. I just follow the law now and also the spirit of the law, so future arrests are at least somewhat less likely.
I told the Orthodontist the entire story. I think it cost about $3,000 to put them on. She didn't care if she had to just take them off after court. It was the second time I had braces.
When people asked me why I needed braces when my teeth were straight, I told them.
"I got them for court. Who would send this nice nerd face to jail?"
I still don't think braces are allowed in jail or prison. Criminals don't wear braces!
The judge knew it as soon as he saw my smile. The mandatory minimum was 2 days in jail. Not a big deal to be in jail for a few weeks, but I had spreadsheets to make at Microsoft and like nerds better than criminals, normally.
It was an odd and risky bet to take.
When the judge finally to spoke to me I zoned out. Time froze and I couldn't speak. I don't know what he said. His expression and the tone of voice said everything:
"This is a real court for real criminals. I send people to jail in here. I don't want to see your nerd face in this courtroom ever again. Do you understand me?"
I was given zero days in jail. I wore the braces for 2 full years. No body took me serious in job interviews either.
Whenever you see adults with braces, make sure you talk to them. Nobody is taking them serious. It's lonely.
Also, it is unlikely they are a dangerous criminal if your try to avoid them like I used to do.
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