I didn’t know her. Didn’t see her around campus. Never spoke to her. All I saw was the memorial they had of her in the middle of campus the next day.
As I walked by the memorial, I saw this older woman just bawling her eyes out right in front of Mary’s memorial. I’m not ENTIRELY sure, but I had a solid hunch this was Mary’s mom.
The pain and agony on her face was unbearable, but I couldn’t look away. It’s almost like I could see how much she loved her daughter, by watching her misery in that moment.
She didn’t wipe her tears or look to other people for condolences. Her eyes were locked straight ahead at the picture of her daughter with a ring of flowers surrounding the frame.
Seeing this didn’t give me some euphoric realization about the inevitability of death.
However, I did feel this incredible urge to just be careful. I was raised by a single mom and everyday before I’d leave the house she’d tell me to stay safe out there. I heard it so much that I thought it was a throw away line but I was finally seeing the repercussions of a parent losing their child.
Prior to that day, the greatest pain I witnessed was during a death scene in movies when a talented actor would hold their loved ones as they slowly drifted away.
The expression on the mom’s face that day put those world class actors to shame. It was so raw and stoic. The ultimate mix of sadness and rage. Despair and acceptance. Love and regret. There’s a saying which goes there’s no greater pain in life than the pain of losing a child. After that day I firmly believe it.
In life it’s easy to feel small, unimportant and inconsequential sometimes. But that’s not the case. Your life is precious so be wary of the company you keep, decisions you make and urges in your head. Life is delicate and above all else, interwoven with everything.
Mary’s mom felt a type of pain that day I hope no one will ever have to endure