Today's announcement that World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) CEO Vince McMahon will be joining President Trump's "Opening our Country Council" should be met with a sigh of relief by all Americans.
After the long national nightmare of the last century wherein our nation has failed to produce even a single individual of noteworthy scientific, industrial, economic, or other expertise, we can at last rejoice that our fate is to be guided of one of the greatest minds of our generation.
The time for PhDs in economics and epidemiology is past. Our country is at long last in the hands of the kind of advisor it needs most: a man with a career as a traveling salesman and whose contribution to humanity consists of packing arenas full of people willing to pay money to watch actors hit each other over the head with chairs.
In his first interview since ascending to this position of national importance, a reporter asked him his thoughts on how the grocery supply chain might be re-opened in order to restock America's food-shelves. Mr. McMahon's response was one of hope for our nation: "Brawndo's got what plant's crave. It's got electrolytes!"
Mr. McMahon's wife Linda, previously appointed by Mr. Trump to head the Small Business Administration (and who by sheer coincidence currently runs the Trump SuperPAC), added "Don't forget to say MAGA, honey! You have to add MAGA at the end or he gets mad!"
