Periodically I will comb through my notebooks in search of old ideas that may be ready for revival, and while more often than not the exercise turns of nothing usable, it nevertheless occasionally turns up a delightful gem or two. Today I came across a quote from something I wrote in 2012 in the wake of Donald Trump offering to give $5,000,000 to charity in exchange for Barack Obama's long form birth certificate (you know, this audacious nonsense):
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And while I turned out, of course, to be woefully wrong about so very many things I believed back then, I did stumble across something that has weathered the years without a scratch. Enjoy.
"Donald Trump is the worst. I mean it. He’s just the worst. He’s the worst combination of human attributes outside of psychopathic bloodlust or genocidal tendencies. Donald Trump manages to make a career out of arrogance, vanity, and mean-spiritedness, which in my book are three of the absolute worst qualities any person can have. And not only that—Donald Trump is proud of himself. Donald Trump can sleep at night. Donald Trump can take pride in the fact that he could help needy children, but he’s not going to unless you kiss his ass first. “I am the Donald,” he seems to say, “King of Kings—look on my works, ye mighty, and go fuck yourselves.” I realized recently that for as long as I’ve been an adult, I’ve never really used the word “turd” in any capacity, despite my penchant for otherwise salty language. Except, however, for when I’m talking about Donald Trump, and then it seems to come up often and liberally. I just can’t think of a better word to fit him. He’s just a turd—what else can I say? Donald Trump is just a big ol’ turd in a cheap-looking tie."