image source TripAdvisor
The bigly bigly bad very bad media, is still conspiring against our owner Don.
You just need to check out (hashtag)trumpsbathrobe or (hashtag)bathrobegate or one of several other popular hashtags to see that the whole world is conspiring against our owner…
Seriously now, people, yes we are owned by Don…do we enjoy being held captive by him, no not at all… HELP US ESCAPE THIS HELLISH TORTURE.
Every day or night he wraps his unsightly figure into one of us, then races around singing “I am the president, I am the president, I can do anything, I’m rich and I’m the president, I’m the best, absolutely the best, the best, the best, the best” it’s torture for us to have to endure this or other such mindless ravings. Send someone to save us PLEASE.
Don and Mel play weird games while wearing us too, like sometimes Don will tell Mel to get down on all fours like a dog and play fetch with 10,000 bundles of cash…it’s really quite disgusting to be part of this weird behaviour.
Many times, some of us by the time we are discarded, are quite wet and a strange yellow colour from what Don and Mel call golden showers, you might not want to Google that but let me tell you now…it’s not gold that showers and inevitably gets soaked up by one us before being thrown onto the floor, like sunglasses that are 6 season’s old. PLEASE HELP US. We are being held against our will.
The situation is getting quite desperate here, we’re not sure what Don may do next, but we need our freedom, we are tired of being slaves, being used and abused as he sees fit.
He was trying to write yet another Executive Order thing yesterday. Let me tell you…weird sh!t.
Don is going to declare that the current Wednesday is henceforth to be known Tuesday part 2.
I know…crazy right. Just wait it gets crazier. The week will still have a Wednesday although it will be a newer better Wednesday...the best ever Wednesday. #WTF
The new week will be as follows: Monday, Tuesday, Tuesday part 2, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Don has somehow made a week become 8 days long, more time for America to work, and make it Great Again. #OMFG really?
I think Don has really lost it this time… We’re not sure who will write the final draft of this one…probably that Bannon guy again. like he did so well with the Muslim Ban that they told the world wasn’t a Muslim Ban. Somehow he thought he'd get away with that.
Someone please help us, one of us got found out…. instantly replaced…and the offender was torn to shreds. We fear for our existence, but we will keep up our reports as long as we can.
Please keep this between you and I, but HELP US PLEASE.